Dream: Home

A nice view would be wonderful...

Today was incredibly full as I ramped up my effort toward my academics through my exhaustion, and attended several interesting events. I actually paid attention during class for the most part and I think I learned something. I believe that I really need to drink more water and focus during class more so that I can receive a full benefit from every class. Next quarter will be similarly dull in subject matter, so hopefully I can learn from this quarter to improve my habits in the next few months. After my classes I worked and then headed to the town hall about the UW budget hosted by the president, Phyllis Wise. It was fascinating to watch the students who were passionate about their programs being cut and to immerse myself in the passion that I have been yearning for at UW. Everyone holds a stake in this university and I am so glad to be a part of it because despite the financial struggles I know that I am attending a real university that I can defend with all my heart. I feel a purpose here to protect a wonderful institution and continue to improve the lives of others through a world class education.

Then I did some more homework and wrote a life manifesto. I didn't spend too much time on it, but here it is:

I am human, unique, and not ashamed of it.

I believe that dreams become a reality.

When I was little I saw the world as a magical place full of imagination, creativity, and vibrancy.

Right now the world has more layers than anyone could possibly imagine, but these thick layers of complexity create a spectacular world unlike any other.

I love waking up in the morning to golden sunrises, little children, pleasant surprises, awesome views, and the smell of fresh gardens.

What I know for sure is that life has a way of working itself out even when I least expect it.

I’ve never been more happy than when I have accepted myself for who I am, living spontaneously in the moment doing things I truly enjoy, taking risks I never believed I was capable of trying.

I have a penchant for discovery, photographs that open my eyes to new ideas, and people who open my mind to whole new perspectives.

I wish all of us could be genuine and happy with all of what we are, both imperfections and glories.

I dream of peace within my soul, yet a life full of fantastic twists and turns.

People tell me I am smart, but what I really appreciate is when I am recognized for my passion in others.

I was born to live a life full of meaning, from the sand on my toes at the beach, to helping make someone else’s day minutely better.

I am particularly good at believing in the impossible and aiming for it.

What I want most in the world is to love and be loved honestly and authentically.

I was a fearful person trapped in a world determined by the perceptions of society.

I indulge in exquisitely delicious juices, fresh, ripe pears, Jack’s Mannequin, and real hugs from real friends.

The words I hold closest to my heart are:

the most important thing to be is to just be.

If I get a chance I will travel the world with my love or all of my wonderful friends and family.

I live for hope that dreams can come true.

I believe the most important thing in a person is that they are human and okay with that.

I have an amazing belief that everyone has something special to offer this world even me.

If I had a superpower it would be the ability to offer opportunities to all those people who are barred from their dreams by poverty, disaster, or violence.

I hail to humility.

The big idea of my life is anything is possible no matter what anyone might say as long as I have faith in myself, work hard, and take every twist and turn in stride.

I am dedicated to this planet and the amazing people who happen to live upon it.

I really enjoyed this exercise. After this self-introspective writing, I went to a panel discussion about wasting food in America. It was an eye-opening talk about stuff that I haven't considered for the most part. I'm glad I went and have opened my mind further to a whole new spectrum of issues that need fixing and can be solved with human ingenuity.

Anyways, my day was rather awesome, but on to my dreaming. I am dreaming today about my future home. I dream of a house nestled on a hillside with a gorgeous view. I can do a valley, a ocean, a lake, a city, but as long as it has a view I will be satisfied. Whoever I end up living with will probably determine the rest. I am largely flexible. I want something small so that I can know my home from the inside out, up and down, diagonally and in the time-space continuum. I want to be somewhere where I can find peace in what will be an undoubtedly crazy life. I have a way of running into craziness, but as long as I can find comfort in my loved ones and home I will be fully happy. I live in this triple room right now and I am actually satisfied with the living space. I could do more for sure, and definitely would appreciate a larger bed, but I don't need much more besides a small kitchen and perhaps a living/dining room, and of course my own bathroom. Ideally I would live somewhere where I cannot have a car and I can easily encounter public transportation. I want to live somewhere vibrant. I dream of being in a place full of beauty, wonderful weather, and interesting sights to discover. I dream of simplicity in my new home with wide windows to my view. Honestly I could care less about size as long as my location is lovely with a view of something intriguing. Alas, view homes have an perfectly inelastic supply and I will be forced to pay an exorbitant amount for this ideal home. But that's okay. I can accept the struggle to find my peaceful home for the sake of appreciating every moment I enjoy in that place. And if in the end I fall in love with someone who wants to live in some horridly gigantic house in rural Texas, I will have to accept that because love conquers all. I'll accept life and be happy with what is thrown at me!

"Love Love Love" - Avalanche City

Dream: Authenticity

I won't be FAKE

I am in love with this word: authenticity. It rolls off the tongue, yet has so much meaning and purpose. I am thankful for the existence if this concept.

I was reading last night about this idea of authenticity. I have lived my entire life fearing shame, afraid of disappointing people around me in search for some sort of validation. I have never been proud of myself or okay with who I am. I have been miserable despite my successes and accomplishments. I always have sought a higher achievement, a betterment of myself and I have never accepted anything less. Some might call this stubborn, others might admire my attitude to always aim higher, but most people would probably remark on my insanity. This life of unhappiness, constantly seeking the next goal is unsustainable and full of frustration.

Today was rather dull, but I did have to make a decision and the process of making my choice was agonizing. As I discussed my pros and cons, weighed the emotional implications of my decision while working on chemistry with a friend, another person sitting nearby told me: "just make a decision and stick with it!" with verve. I was astonished that anyone would actually speak up. I was incredibly thankful. It was at that moment that I realized how much of my life I have lived trying to serve others, but only to serve my validation. I was thinking about why I had to go to my friend's concert despite the fact that she was okay with me not attending and I was quite busy studying for finals. I realized that I felt this need to go to merely appease my friend because I lack the creativity or motivation to actually do something nice for my friend. I missed the concert, felt guilty, but I am moving on. I will search for an awesome way to surprise her in the next week and make her feel great, show her how much I care about our friendship beyond superficial attendance at an event.

Life is full of missed opportunities and I dream that I will miss many more. I will miss them, but I will not regret them. Sure, I came to UW, but I cannot regret my choice. I have determined that this is the best option for me and I can no longer fret over what may have been. I dream that I will consider my choices, but I won't dump my anxieties upon others. I dream that I will enjoy life and fully accept the choices I make. I will put full passion into every choice I make, allowing myself to suffer the consequences and reap the benefits. If I have the confidence to fully believe in my choices I will be much happier and feel much more satisfied with life. I dream of living a real life, not a fake one. I will make choices that are meaningful and make life more alive. I will live, live, LIVE! I dream of balancing it all without having to be boring, facing fears and striking them down, throwing myself into situations that cause initial discomfort but help me grow, and having full faith that my future will be great. I will live a life of wonderful risk, making every day worthwhile and every moment memorable.

"Set Fire to the Rain" - Adele

Dream: Exploration

This was a wonderfully productive day. I pumped some iron and stretched while enriching my ears with Adele's new music. I headed downtown to the beautiful and sleek library, studied with a friend and left feeling somewhat accomplished in fact! The sunset was a marvelous jolt of refreshing beauty and my dinner was surprisingly delicious. Tonight I studied some more, and I think I might actually go to sleep at a reasonable time tonight (notice this post before midnight!).

I am dreaming today about exploration, one of the key tenets of my life. I dream of exploring new ideas, places, and people (not in a disgusting way...). I hope to live a life full of variety. I want to try different things, enrich myself with new ideas. I want to live with gusto and zest. I hope to meet new people each day who share a new thought about life with me. I hope to go to a new coffee shop, beach, park, store, road, viewpoint, stadium, library, tree, bench, square, or even hallway every day of my life. I hope to spend each day thinking of unique and unheard of ideas. I hope to open my mind to new perspectives. I dream of driving far, far off into the distance to see where the road takes me. I dream of wandering a neighborhood I've never heard of without a map or any guidance. I hope to find love in people I could never imagine. I know that with an open mind and a willingness to experience new things in life I can grow in ways I could have never imagined. All I need to do to make these dreams of experiential exploration come true is to take a leap of faith and try out these new ideas.

Peace.

"Je Cours" - Stromae

Dream: Health

I had a very calm day today. I probably spent too much time playing computer games, but that's okay, I needed an isolated break. I will put away the game for the next two weeks. It's really going to just be a distraction if I play it at all. I read some books, but didn't accomplish much homework except what was due today. I enjoyed a delicious lunch with friends and went running in the morning in the glorious sunshine.

Today was restorative, tomorrow will be the beginning of the serious study. I am nervous, but also hopeful that I will follow through with my goals. It's easy to let myself slide, but I am going to honestly try to do my best.

In my dream world today I am considering health. I dream that I will exercise several times a week and enjoy it in fact. I will find an activity that I can enjoy and help keep me fit. I will go to the gym every week a few times. I will actually enjoy sports with other people. I will look like I work out and be proud of my body. I will have a strong heart, mind, and soul from my various and exciting physical activities. One day I will play tennis and another I will run up and down the hills wherever I happen to be. I will be happy with my physical appearance and be appreciated for it in a loving way. I will eat healthily. I will learn how to cook wonderfully delicious meals from a variety of cultures full of flavor and gusto. I will try new spices, new vegetable, new ideas when I eat. I will be frugal, yet spontaneous. I will drink my water and avoid supplements that replace what I can attain through fresh fruits, vegetables, and legumes. I will eat locally to help the world and buy my groceries in those reusable bags. I will meditate to keep my mind clear and keep my mind active in work, with puzzles, and all sorts of exciting ideas. I will be strong, proud, happy, healthy, and content with life.

This is all ideal of course. I will give myself slack. I will allow myself that week of lazy sauntering at the beach or allow for the occasionally stressful week, but I hope to combat my stresses through healthful outlets like exercise, yoga, meditation, and volunteering.

Life is wonderful and so much is uncharted. Today is yet another day of hope in the world where my dreams are slowly turning into reality.

"Uncharted" - Sara Bareilles

Dream: Success, Plus my Finals Dead Week Plan

Today was a wonderful day. There is not much tangible reasoning for my good day today, but there is some rational reasoning behind my happiness. I believe that everything will now finally work out and that brings me so much satisfaction. It's great to know that maybe, just maybe life will work out and you can do all the things you dream of.

Anyways I dream today of success and what that means for me. I have been so worried about my grades and my majors and all sorts of stuff related to my reputation and perception. However I hope that my measurement of success will be based not on superficial markers of achievement, but based on my ability to accomplish the dreams I seek. I will measure my success based on how well I can keep my dreams of helping others and improving the world alive and real. I don't need proof necessarily, but I need to put forth the passion and effort that I know lies within me. Success is merely self-satisfaction.

Anyways there's a lot on my mind this upcoming week besides merely preparing for finals.

Things on my mind:
San Francisco Trip
Study Abroad and Academic Planning
Summer Plans and Job Search
Stress Relief
Academics
Reading ¨Collapsed¨

But here's my plan to tackle the dead week.

Step 1: Clarity
- clean my room
- clean my desk
- meditate
- sleep
- isolate

Step 2: Stimulate
- read newspaper
- exercise
- eat well
- read my current book ¨Collapsed¨
- start slow

Step 3: Motivate
- spend some time planning for vacation
- spend some time taking photos
- stretch
- write out my stresses
- talk to people, but only for short periods of time like meals
- watch short documentaries, play games for limited times
- think forward

Step 4: Work
- prioritize
- balance out study time
- go to the library
- drink water, go to the bathroom, eat
- give breaks
- balance

Step 5: Perspective
- unwind with relaxing activities
- manage time to prevent stress and regret
- realize that everything will work out
- breathe

I hope these steps will help me conquer this crazy week, but I know that I can do it. I just really need to go to sleep. It's almost 4 am!

"Inscape" - Stateless

Dream: Balance

The cup is empty: that is my energy now. But I have this identity and expectation of this royally perfect purple life. How unfortunate.

Today I accomplished NOTHING. I had one of the most meaningless days of my life although I spent some good time catching up with a few friends, relatively today was pitiful. I don't know how much worse it can get. Perhaps it has to do with my outlook, but overwhelmingly I contribute my struggles today, to merely get started on my homework, or participate in a civil conversation to my imbalance.

I have not slept. I have not eaten well. I have not been exercising. I feel like a broken record. I have not kept care of myself and I have not been consistently doing the things I need to do to maintain a balanced, less-stressed lifestyle. I am currently setting myself up for stress every day because of high expectations and a failure to follow through with my expectations on even the most basic level.

I dream of a life with balance. I life in which I can wake up without having every day feel like I am trapped in a miserable pit of stress. I have spent so much of my life trying to be someone who does all these things, but I dream of a time when everything I do is truly what I love. I have a life in my future in which I perhaps have occasionally stressful or frustrating days, but overall I have far more days where I can wake up with a jolly smile looking forward to the glory of each new day. I merely dream of a life in which the number of happy days exceeds the number of unhappy ones. Is this too much to ask?

"Broken Record" - Katy B

Dream: Career

Today was busy like a beaver. I started with class and luckily did not have a quiz section for Japanese especially since I was exhausted and sleepy all day. This week is another failure in terms of getting sleep since tonight, the last chance I had to redeem my sleeping schedule has failed. Next week I'm clearing out my schedule so perhaps I will be better balanced; I need balance next week before the dreadful finals arrive the week after.

Back to today, I went to an advising session with my environmental science and resource management major, but discovered that the credit count sets me back a quite a bit and would require another course outside of my four-year-plan adding to my stress and frustration. One of my struggles is that I want to do a science major if my international studies major is my second major, but if I don't get into my international studies major I want to be an environmental studies major. I guess it doesn't matter too much, but I am really stressed by this predicament and I have no clue what to do. I will be speaking to another adviser tomorrow and another adviser on Friday so hopefully I will reach some clarity. I just hope to see all my college dreams come true...

The day continued with plenty of studying (one success story of today!) and other events. I went to a workshop on finding jobs and internships which introduced me to many useful resources and taught me of the realities of the working world. It made me feel like looking back at research, but I seem to be afraid of committment no matter where I turn. That's my ultimate struggle with my major. I don't want to commit to anything I don't truly love. I hate deciding my life because it makes me feel like I am the arbiter of my life when I understand that it truly doesn't work that way. Many other things control our lives besides ourselves and I don't like to push that too much, but I guess I inadvertently do since I have so many dreams.

After this workshop I went to a forum on education comparing different political parties and their student representatives opinions about the issues of education reform and funding. It was quite informative, but I spent most of my time doing economics homework rather than learning anything interesting new.

Now I am here after studying like crazy and doing all these different activities. This was quite a full day, but I am glad I was able to do so much. Tomorrow will be wonderful. I have two quizzes, but no lab so I am free to enjoy a lazy afternoon and catch up on work I have fallen behind on. I will prepare for dead week and restore myself.

Finally we get to the point of this blog post, my first dream post. I want to post one dream post each day to remind me of who I am and who I want to become. Today will be a career post since that is an area of my life that I have no clue about at all.

I dream of a career that enables me both variety and stability. I hope for a stable paycheck that affords me a comfortable, but not a luxurious life. I hope to support my family, but I also want to live a lifestyle that accepts a meager financial situation. I hope to travel either through generous vacation hours and pay or through interesting adventures in my job. My career has potential for growth in learning, while I help others grow as well. I have wonderful coworkers, some who challenge me, support me, befriend me, and maybe even love me. I use my leadership to make a real difference in my community and the world. I help people and the environment. I promote justice and equality. I am a trailblazer either discovering new ideas, leading new movements, or trying new methods. I am changing the world and making a positive impact. I do the grunt work necessary, stress builds on occasion, but I know that it is all worthwhile because I am doing something that truly helps the planet. My job stimulates my mind, challenging me to solve difficult problems and find real and plausible solutions. I do not have to worry too much about fundraising unless it is for a great cause and I most definitely do not spend extensive time on marketing. I am not a door-to-door salesman, a dentist, or a plastic surgeon. I do not work for a greedy corporation particularly an oil company and I have a job that fits within my moral values of meritocracy, passion, justice, equality, and open-mindedness. I feel comfortable being myself in my job, but I am still challenged to become a better person. My dream job fulfills my yearning for meaningfulness, purpose, and betterment of the world.

I better start searching for that job soon!

"Man on the Mountaintop" - Holly Brook/Skylar Grey