While the past few days have been fairly good, they have been overwhelmed with incredible anxiety. I have just been running off of nothing for fuel recently. Tuesday was stressful, but I finally went to see a counselor to talk about my anxiety and stress. I got referred to a few long-term therapists, so hopefully I can start to see a turnaround in my life. Wednesday was fine as well, but my young democrats meeting, which was long and mundane was only balanced out by a lovely modern family episode. I truly felt like the laughter was exploding out of my stomach! Today I was highly stressed because I had a lot to do, but I did most of it except study for my biology exam tomorrow. I feel like I am always behind here at UW, always insufficient. There are so many people here and I am constantly comparing myself to everyone around me. I don't feel like I am ever learning much, but I am under so much pressure and stress. I don't feel like I accomplish or do anything, but I feel like I am constantly stressed. I want to change this. I felt like when I started college that this would only be possible if I went somewhere far away, another college, and at times I regret going to UW so much. I feel like I have to work so much here and I never feel fulfilled. I feel like I am sinking under so much pressure. I don't feel like there is anyone to talk to. I feel lost and alone, miserable, sick, unsuccessful, awful. I doubt this would change anywhere else, but I keep dreaming of going through my undergraduate years at some college in California. I don't know why I expect anything to be different anywhere else, but I can only imagine misery here in wet and cold Washington.
I know that I am going to put more passion into my life and I am slowly returning to my old ways. I am going to volunteer somewhere, but where I just have no idea. I want a better life. I have no idea what that means. But I need to discover a better life and I am desperate. Ugh, my sentences are starting to become ugly monsters. I'll stop now.
"Can't Breathe" - Fefe Dobson
have you ever thought of moving out of the honors dorm? then you can compare yourself to people who are much less smart!
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