This week I attempted to do something rather different. I had a few goals this week.
1) Do something special every day.
2) Write down every happy moment during the day.
3) Manage time luxuriously.
I think I really had a chance to live this week. Life is way too short, and this week I did many, many things that made life much more energizing. On Monday, Passover began and I completed almost all my homework that was necessary. I felt accomplished and satisfied with my life, sleeping at the early hour of nine to wake up the next morning at three. At the wee hour of three o'clock I headed downtown to join my friend to get tickets for an audition for a singing competition on a television show. While we had to wake up early, both that morning and the following one for the audition, and although she did not make it through, it was still a worthwhile experience. It was a trial, waiting in the dark and cold for so long two mornings in a row, but it reminded me that if you have a passion for something, if you really dream for anything, you have to go through some real struggle, and some true disappointment before your dream can become a reality. This is difficult, and it can drain the passion and idealism that one needs to aim for a dream, but through a tenuous balance between realism and idealism, anyone can discover the will to live the dream.
Meanwhile, Pesach continued and while I starved in general, I went to Chabad on Tuesday evening for a friendly and traditional service. The food was delicious and the people were fascinating, capping off a marvelous, but long day. Among other things on that Tuesday, I received a compliment about my jeans, which have been dissed in the past, from someone who I might just have an interest in... no doubt a little perk of joy bubbled within me and distracted me all through biology lecture. The following day I enjoyed television and sunny weather, while I also got my registration for summer classes to work out perfectly and my housing has been selected for next year. I have a room high in one of the best dorms on campus, exactly where I want to be with gorgeous views of Lake Washington and the mountains on a sunny day.
Thursday was also quite fulfilling. It was another rather sunny day and I got to sleep in rather late as well. I also discovered some new and awesome music, while I continued to gleefully observe the Canadian election campaigns as one of my favorite parties gained in the polls making the election far more intriguing. Later I went downtown to a volunteer orientation and was inspired to do something. I finally had exited my shell and landed somewhere, not only comfortable for me, but also enough outside my comfort zone to allow growth.
Today was stressful at times, but mostly enjoyable. The sun started to come out more and in the afternoon was spectacular. I skipped a lecture to help with Earth Day stuff, which felt wonderful although I might regret it this weekend as I study for my chemistry midterm. I got an excellent mark on my biology exam which gave me a boost of confidence and I finally felt like I was getting the credit I deserved for my efforts. I returned home for a seder with the family, and while it added incredibly to my stress level, I was glad to make a massive meal for my family. I feel so stuffed and satisfied right now, and knowing that it was through my efforts makes it so much more meaningful.
Life is actually going rather well even though I often feel like it is a struggle. I sink in so much anxiety, fear, stress, and unhappiness, but I really need to step away from it all and reflect more on the positive aspects of my life. Sure, I have a lot to be unhappy about, but I believe that I can even face the difficult things with a positive outlook. I will take on the challenge of my two midterms this week with resolve, expecting to struggle, but also learn a lot and hopefully feel quite accomplished through my journey of study. As I complete several applications for jobs and internships I know rejection will face me, but I also know that these rejections are learning experience that can guide me toward a path of better self-awareness and a stronger sense of self. Life is full of twists and turns, and as scary as it can be to hike through it all, it is only worse if I just keep contemplating how daunting life is.
This week I have two awesome songs. Enjoy!
"Pumped Up Kicks" - Foster the People
"Exile Vilify" - The National
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