Wander

It's time to escape. And enjoy life. School's finally over!!! And at last, I'm free. But for once I feel relieved that I won't be collapsing in the summer and succumbing to laziness; instead I have a flexible plan that will allow be to feel fulfilled and relaxed.

I'm not going anywhere this summer. And it's rather refreshing. I just want to enjoy this summer with my friends. I want to be crazy (without any drugs or sex or such...). I want to be free. I want to be myself. It's out of this world. But I can enjoy my life. I can take a break from it all. I just want to take in every moment and thoroughly inhale it. Yesterday I went randomly with my friend to Newcastle and this lake that was only like 5 min. away, but I had never been to. And it was so beautiful and exuberant. It really wasn't that special, but the rolling hills and the awkward trees and the playground and the small lake made it so calm and unique. It really reminded me of a Washington version of Walden Pond. It had all the Transcendentalist thinking to it. It made me feel free and open. I love nature. It just opens my soul to new emotions, thoughts, and pathways.

My future is bright. I'm finally a Senior. To think that it is my last year of high school and everything is coming to a close. And to be lucky enough to be the president of my class! I can't believe my life right now. I'm so excited for this next year. Colleges, classes, friends, opportunities, activism, service, challenges, and all the stuff that comes along with being a Senior. I love all of it in the same way that I love the homeless guys at Berkeley. Nobody understands my passion for these kinds of things, but I truly love the reality. I love life. I love life. I really love life!

I saw Up yesterday. It was a spectacular cinematic presentation. I was astounded by the plot and intrigued by the distinctiveness of each character. There was an Asian kid too! And to top it all off I had my friends with me. Every moment with my friends I cherish so deeply. What if they were gone tomorrow or I was no longer here? I need to enjoy all the moments I can. I had the most horrible dream that one of my best friends died, and I cannot imagine how I could live my life without some of my best friends. I just need to appreciate them more. I know that I want to prioritize my friendships if I have to put anything first.

I have plans. I am going to my next therapy session tomorrow to figure out how to deal with the expectations. I am excited to finally be putting it all together. I am excited to finally be figuring it out piece by piece like a jigsaw puzzle. Maybe I can start one of those.... I am doing classes at the community college (fun ones like art and p.e.). I am teaching my sister math. I am reading. I am planning an auction. I am figuring out college applications. I am doing so many things, but nothing too overwhelming and stressful. I am stressed right now about martial arts testing because I need to pass and practice and write essays beforehand, but I know I can do it. I finally feel like I am accomplishing things. I was stuck in a rut for so long worrying about things, but now I am moving forward. I know what my priorities are.

Friendships.
Family.
Community.
Awareness.
Learning.
Health.
Love.
Rest.

But I also know what my priorities aren't:
Internet.
Keeping up with the preps/jocks.
Trying to be friends with the people who I don't click with.
Doing random activities to build my resume.
Grades.


I wish I could care less about my passions for my friends, family, community, and learning, but I can't stop! I love these things so much. I want to make a difference in this wonderful world. Alas, I can't stop resting and loving and staying healthy. I guess I just have to lower some of my extreme expectations in these areas, or gain the ability to do more of it. But the key is not worrying about always being perfect in all these areas. I can do my best and feel fulfilled with it.

My biggest goal this summer is to feel the euphoria I achieve around friends and beauty. I want to wander Seattle. I want to explore the city and see the sunset at Alki. I want to be immersed in the sounds, sites, and wonderment of it all!

God, I love the world you have created. Thank you!

"We Own the Sky" M83



This song summarizes what I want my summer to be... maybe you can sense one of my more hidden goals....