Completion

I avoided writing on this blog for a while, partly because I was distracted with Nanowrimo, and because I was trying to reflect on the purpose and meaning of this blog. What makes this blog worthwhile? Why do I write on this blog? Is anyone listening? Should I write my ideas more publicly on a Facebook note or less so in a private journal? These questions have all led me to this inevitable conclusion: it really doesn't matter. I can blog or write diary entries or public notes of Facebook, but in the end it doesn't truly matter. The person who will read this is me. I look back at my blog and I become aware of how much I have grown. It marks each precious day of my life, and I can do that in many media, but the blog is the one I will stick with for now. I know that some of my friends have abandoned, closed, or forgotten their blogs. I started because of these friends, but I continue for myself. I don't mean to be selfish, but this blog has evolved from a way for me to speak to my friends in desperation under a secret cloak, to a journal recording my life. It is now more of an autobiography just like the novel I wrote started as. However I fully expect this blog to evolve even more. My unnamed novel began as a virtually literal autobiography depicting what was going on with me during my most tumultuous teenage years, yet it became a story full of adventure, love, and drama. So I will accept wherever this blog takes me and wherever I end up in life.

December began today with warmth (oh my god it is so hot in all the dorms...) and sunshine sprinkling the sky. I woke up rather late, but I adjusted, showering faster and efficiently conducting my morning routine. I enjoyed a luscious strawberry banana Odwalla and then rushed off to my environment class. Oddly enough my environment class covered almost the exact same topics as my wildlife class about landscape ecology and technologies used to monitor wildlife populations. Perhaps it was because I was awake today in class, but I was engrossed in conservation planning tools like GAP analysis and SLOSS reserve designs. Later I worked on a poster about electronic waste for my environment class and I was so excited to create a poster for the first time.
The day carried on with the Hanukkah festivities by Hillel and Chabad. I hung out with some enjoyable friends as we lit the candles and spun dreidels. I really enjoyed being immersed in my Jewish culture and as uncomfortable as it makes me sometimes, I was proud to participate in something relating to my heritage. This was followed by an excursion to the "Honors" dessert contest, which was mildly delicious. I then enjoyed some German chocolate, free pizza, and apples to apples at my Young Democrats meeting. My day ended with a phone call from a good friend, and I just hope everything goes well, but it sounded good for the most part. This has been such a wonderful time today, and I am exhausted beyond my wits.

The craziest thing is that last year I remember dreading every day. I used to wake up and force myself to get up. I would look constantly at the clock in class, waiting to escape my misery. Instead of trying to escape misery, I am now just living. I don't necessarily feel happy, but I'm not unhappy! It's such a glorious feeling to not be unhappy. Contentment pulls the corners of my lips apart and a smile is spreading across my face. Life is improving every day and I know it will only get better.

A few lessons I have learned:
- I need to be more fun, playful, lighthearted, amusing, whatever you want to label it
- Accept myself for who I am; this may be my only obstacle to happiness
- Be more social and less afraid of what people will think
- Solidifying or crystallizing my values if fundamental to my overall happiness

"Be My Animal" - The Good Natured

Awesome song that makes me dance!