Prescribe Patience

My past two weeks have been awfully crazy and have prevented me from writing anything on my blog. I have been busily occupied by so much else in my life, and also I have not had a clear enough mind to write in a long time.

I had quite the stressful finals week. I felt myself drowning in finals and overwhelmed by life. I had so much to think about in terms of my future, my passions, my motivations, my dreams, and my values. All of this reflective concern was inconveniently bothering me as I tried to focus on dull subject matter like thermodynamics or repetitive study of biological vocabulary. Yet in the end I managed to move through it all and do surprisingly well. I achieved high marks in courses that I thought I would struggle with and I feel very proud of myself for making it through such obstacles.

Then the stress continued as I had to pack up all my belongings and leave my beloved dormitory. It was not perfect, but I needed that physical separation from home to really thrive academically and grow as a human being. Many things were not ideal, but I am proud that I was pushed outside my comfort zone in many ways. I realized how much I need to grow as a person, but I feel so happy about my time in the dorm and cannot wait for another exciting year living at college. However it was crazy trying to pack up everything in my life, organize it into boxes, and transfer it to my old home. Upon returning home my world seems surreal. My past all the hidden things about me, all my blind ambition, all of my fake friendships, all of my internal psychological babble were among me; those memories slathered the walls and were encased in the atlases, bed sheets, lamps, and pencils, mocking me with shame, guilt, and a frightful chill. Yet the boxes stood there to remind me that I was only a temporary guest to this place. This haunting room of dark memories was only a brief landing post for a life moving forward, an affordable refreshment station for a marathon runner quickly zooming into his future.

I revisited more harsh yet complex memories when I went to my old high school's graduation. I love many of my friends who are seniors, but I have such a difficult time facing my old high school memories. My friend took me to my high school's prom and now going to graduation I felt the onslaught of awfulness attacking me a full throttle. Thankfully I survived with a new perspective on life. The graduation was beautiful and reignited my hope in the world as I watched several hundred young souls complete an often testy and complicated journey through high school. I enjoyed watching my good friends take those steps and throw their caps into the air. I love this frivolous affairs like commencements, awards ceremonies, and speeches. Many people become bored of them, but as long as I have a personal connection to them I can become completely enthralled.

This weekend was further craziness as I prepared for my sister's bat mitzvah and the arrival of my relatives from out of town. I had to fully clean the room I had just landed my boxes in for my grandpa and clean the rest of the house to be presentable. It was very stressful, but I took a wonderful break to watch an awesomely kitschy movie with friends, play board games, and go biking on a sunny day throughout town. I felt like I had checked off many of the enjoyable parts of life that teenagers enjoy in these picture perfect suburbs during those moments riding my bike along the lakeshore and throughout the historic heart of my town, immersed in the juxtaposition of nature and humanity surrounded by those three idyllic green hills. This place is gorgeous no matter the heartbreak associated with it. And for once I was able to make up for all the craziness here in this place.

In the meantime, my relatives have arrived and I have enjoyed taking fun photographs of my cute cousin, speaking to my somewhat crazy, but brilliant grandpa, and sharing laughs with my aunt and uncle. Nonetheless tensions are running high between my sister and me. I love her to death, but I feel like I am pressing too hard on her. I am so worried about her because she is just so different from me. I cannot understand her at all, but I just want her to do well and really think about how special of a moment this bat mitzvah is. I lecture her so much about her performance and her lack of diligence, but I realize later that we are different people and I cannot expect her to be so perfect. Sure she needs to do well in school, as a human, and in this special moment, but I am not here to make her life miserable. I need to show her  love and caring.

On our tour of the Boeing airplane factory today I had to exhibit plenty of patience when waiting for my grandpa to walk from place to place. He is getting older and is quite slow, but he is still quite able-bodied. I really am a fast-paced person, but my grandpa's slow nature forced me to really slow down and breathe. I stopped trying so hard to go, go, go like the marathon runner and enjoyed the craziness of that factory. It's amazing how inspiring a giant factory can be. I love huge systems like that. It might not be the most pretty sight, yet there is something magical in the ability of humans to build such feats like great airplanes in these highly complex factories. I felt so small in there immersed amongst so much machinery and ingenuity, but I felt hopeful for all the innovation and progress of our world.

I hope I can apply my lessons in patience to life. I need to take it easy and really enjoy every moment. I have this week off and I don't need crazy stress. I need to relax and treat my sister like the human i expect to be treated, following Rabbi Hillel's golden rule. Take in these moments, cherish them and love others. That's the medication I need. (And the laughter that comes from watching episodes of Will & Grace...)

"Growing Pains" - La Roux