I sense that things are getting better. But only slowly. But I guess that's how things are going to get better. I can't always expect instantaneous improvement.
Relay for life was wonderful, mostly because there was less drama, and more friends. I really appreciate my friendships. If I have to choose something to lower my expectations in I wouldn't choose my frienships; they are too vital for my well-being. But I can accept some lower expectations in that I don't need to feel constantly belonged to all the time and I can be happy with the small moments. It would be nice if I talked less, but maybe I can just continue to write on this blog to relieve my worries.
I know I want to be focused on my academics, but I don't want to be overwhelmed. Clearly if I want a social life plus my extracurriculars, I can't expect to be the valedictorian or even a straight A student. In this aspect I guess I'm forced to accept that I won't be perfect; so the hard part is done... now I just need to be ok with the B+ in English... what the heck most people would love a B+ in AP English, I really need to get over myself! But it will be okay. I just need to be okay with it. I can't freak out over whether to feel guilty or not. I just need to accept that for me, it does hurt, but I need to not make it a huge deal because of the context.
I keep looking at my life. And I think I will be spending a considerable amount of time in the next few weeks examining my life now that I have realized much of the source of my frustrations and misery. I feel good knowing that I know what I am tackling finally :)
I just can't let the "Black Heart Inertia" carry me down! (awesome new Incubus song, please listen to it!!)
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