15.5 lbs.

Today it rained. Rain on the 4th of July is so unpatriotic. Oh well, I made the most of it. I decided I might as well clean up might room a little since I had the time. So I started doing my laundry. And then I tackled all the school supplies I had collected over the years of high school. Basically, I don't need any new supplies for college.... Later I went to the piles of work I had collected from just this year of high school, the notes, worksheets, and essays.

I only found about two classes worth of notes to keep and a few random essays that were meaningful or inspiring to me. For the most part I tossed everything. When I weighed the stuff I thought was important on the scale, it didn't even register. However the pile of crap, work that really did not do much for my brain other than keep it busy and keep my stress levels elevated, weighed a grand total of 15.5 pounds. So much paper wasted. I do not believe I have ever had a year so superfluous as this year. Nevertheless it was fantastic closing that miserable door behind me and opening my new doors toward a life of happiness, fulfillment, and serendipity.

Another weight pulled away from my shoulder. I feel so alive recently. Suddenly all the things on that to do list seem less ridiculous. Life just doesn't seem as daunting. It really is about facing things in small pieces rather than large, overwhelming ones. We can only live in crisis, Titanic situations once in a while. We cannot live our whole lives like that.

I've always thought I was unlucky, but I realize that I real determine my own luck. I let life's opportunities pass by because I live in tunnel vision. I have spent most of my life so afraid. I cling to what I know works, too afraid to take risk or do things differently. It's because life has worked for me pretty well the way I know how to do it. I work like a machine, I fear change because I never get past the fear and insecurity I feel when I take a different path. Yet most paths lead up the mountain. I am just too afraid most of the time to try something new. But now I am realizing that if I want to achieve my dreams I have to stop running a straight path and accept that sometimes there will be twists and turns. I am just beginning to live my life with serendipity, but I think I can do this. Insecurity will haunt me every time I try something new, but it is temporary. I will have luck on my side and confidence will fill my soul. I am finally starting to believe in myself just by placing myself in this mindset, and it's not even sunny out!

"Make Your Own Luck" By Rebecca Webber
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201005/make-your-own-luck

"Commander" - Kelly Rowland