Five Days Ago

Only five days ago I was immersed amongst my friends having a blast in Canada. Today I am sitting lonely at my desk in front of my computer deprived of social relations for the past three days. I feel so alone. I have so much I want to do this summer, but I cannot seem to meet the people who I want to meet and I don't want to spend time with the people who are conveniently there. This is such a special time in my life, my last summer, but everyone who I care about seems to be caught up in their own lives. Nobody seems to have any time to share this summer with me, but what am I supposed to do? I freed up most of my summer so that I could enjoy it with others, but there seems to be nobody to share this summer with.

E.g. I have this hiking pass that expires in a few days, and I have been wanting to go hiking all summer. But then my martial arts training took priority and then I went on my trip and now nobody seems to have time to do anything with me. Even my typical friends of convenience are busy. I want to spend some time with the people who are leaving next year, but they seem to care more about some friends than other friends. I want to celebrate a birthday with someone but I missed the date of the birthday... I feel all over the place and I just want a hug right now, but the people I go to for hugs are too busy or unreachable. I feel like I am going crazy. I feel like I am going insane stuck in this stressful house all day while watching the gorgeous sunsets from my lonely window. I want to share this spectacular summer with the friends I love, but somehow from the magical trip I went on for five days, the world has suddenly flipped and for the past five days I have gone crazy with loneliness and boredom.

This is my last summer. I just want to enjoy it.

"Holding Us Back" - Katie Herzig