Life Is Short

Color in Life

I woke up this morning later than I expected, but I was desperate for sleep. After I took a shower I almost complained about something to my roommate, but I realized that it really wasn't necessary to whine about anything to my roommate; I can just leave the worries inside my head and release them in another form besides verbalization. I almost started talking to myself in the elevator, but I stopped myself. These realizations of my actions brought a smile across my face. Merely being aware of my idiosyncrasies makes me feel so much more confident.

As the day progressed I attended Japanese class which was quite a bore as usual, but I realized that I need to continue to gain fluency in Japanese. I'm not taking the class just to get an A in Japanese. No, I am taking Japanese to gain a skill, an understanding of a language to the point in which I can communicate in it. I rushed over to eat lunch with two wonderful friends who always bring excitement into my life, and I was frankly intimidated. I don't really understand what caused my discomfort, but I am glad I was aware of it.

Later this afternoon I went to chemistry and actually tried to pay attention, but my focus was waning. I met a new person and then worked on chemistry with her. I completed my chemistry homework and scored one hundred percent. It was a check box filled, but each one felt great today.

It was sunny today, but bonechillingly cold. Nevertheless I enjoyed the bright rays of sun penetrating my face with warmth. The evening approached and I saw the hilarious drag show which made me realize more of my discomfort especially when I promptly exited the building without greeting the people I knew in the competition. Back at the dormitory I saw the Social Network finally and I was both creeped out and inspired by the successes and miseries of Mark Zuckerburg's awkward life. I am so glad that I have trustworthy, meaningful friendships and I have found contentment beyond the trivial pursuits of high ranking institutions, but I wish I still was capable of doing great things like programming a unique idea into a usable medium for everyone on the planet, understanding the law to a depth that enables me to protect the innocent and empower equality, or lead a movement to change the world for the better with actual tangible results. However these vague unspecified goals are only accomplished through a full powered effort by me. I am already behind in many ways compared to my peers at these most renowned higher education institutions. But I don't have to be. I can reach my dreams, live a meaningful life, and enjoy it all if I just focus.

I dream of mostly being alive. I want to be able to talk to people comfortably. I want to face my fears with my identity. I want to do great things in life. I want to understand the world and the processes that make this world function. I have incredible potential to reach these dreams but I need the passion. I need the zest of life to replenish a withering soul. I must detach myself from the cord and jump across the bridge. Perhaps I won't fall, but I will fly.

Most importantly, I must sleep now.

"I Need A Doctor" - Dr. Dre ft. Eminem & Skylar Grey