Fuel My Motivation Tank

I don't really know. I don't really understand. I wish I did understand everything. But I guess that's the way the world is.

I don't feel energized. No, I do have energy despite this unbearable and unusual triple digit heat. I have the energy to do stuff. Like type. Or exercise. Or anything else that is just mechanical like a robot. I have that energy. But I don't have motivation. I don't have the urge to be more than just a robotic guy. I wish I did. But I don't feel like accomplishing my great goals. Even the easy ones.

I have a few things I want to do, like community service stuff, but I don't care. I care in my head, but I guess I'm too lazy to actually do anything. But it's not like I want to be lazy. And it's not like I don't want to help the community. I'm just not doing it.

For years I have been told to accept myself. To be okay with just being. Just alive. I think I have reached that point. But now I want something more. I want to challenge myself. Explore. Discover. Create. Invent. Solve.

I know a lot. I have gained a lot of wisdom. I have become a better me. But now I need to apply myself. But even music can't inspire me. Even my friends don't seem to inspire me. I feel so empty, yet I want to do so many things. I need to cross the threshold. But I feel like I already have taken the time through space camp to cross that barrier of apathy. How do I get myself to care! How do I get myself up off the computer, out of the house, and achieving my dreams? I want to find the answer. I want to figure it out, but I just feel like I'm running empty on motivation like my car and it's empty fuel tank. Or maybe I do have the fuel and I just need someone to start the car. Whatever it is, I just need to figure out why I am so apathetic. I hate it. I feel self-deprecating and miserable, but I can't get over myself. So if you are listening to my pathetic troubles, I guess I shouldn't receive any sympathy. I have so much but why am I so unhappy?