What's wrong with me?

Today I forgot a very important appointment because I was exhausted and hanging out with my friends. In the euphoria of my friendship adventures I got caught up and completely forgot a responsibility. I don't know what to do. I have to mend the pieces, fix my mistakes, and move forward. But I'm so tired. Not just sleepy, but tired of life. Tired of making careless mistakes. It's so simple. I had no other important things today. I had my appointment. At 3:00. How could I have forgotten! The post-it reminder was right there on my desk in front of me. Now, I had completely forgotten about the appointment because I was so distracted with my other plans and that stupid wisdom teeth surgery. Why do I always do this? And why do I always get in such a tizz! I mean it's important to worry about this kinds of things, but I do it so often I just wish I could stop making mistakes. Stop failing.

But listen to myself. Yes, it was an important appointment. Something that will have rather harsh consequences monetarily down the road, but what can I do? I had the appointment reminder. I could have written it down again, or just looked at the stupid reminder right there on my desk. But I didn't. So know I know to be more aware of what I do. And to sleep more and not let myself succumb to the Internet and all the other distractions in my life. The only thing I hate about summer is my lack of self-discipline. It's not like I have much myself.

I guess this is a good thing in one way. It won't affect me that drastically, but money is something that I don't have in this world. Money is what makes my family nutz. And I hate all of the chaos that ensues when money becomes an issue at my home. I wish I could be perfect. But I won't be ever. Nobody is. And some people do go through most of their lives never having to make many mistakes. In fact, I'm probably one of them, which is why I freak out so much when these things do happen. But I am realizing a lot because of this mistake. I am realizing finally that I need to start getting control of my life this summer. I need to start my common app. I need to go hiking. I need to visit my colleges in WA. I need to finish my drawing. I need to read my books. I need to do some community service. I need to accomplish my list of goals.

I want my summer to be fulfilling, but so far it seems like a waste. All I am doing are pitiful classes at the community college. All I am doing is melancholy and mundane. I need to get a hold of my life. I need to get it together. I need to sleep.

I hate wisdom teeth. God you have put me through quite a trial. And I genuinely thank you for that. I needed someone to slap me in the face.

"22" Lily Allen



Above: what will happen to me if I don't get it together.


The question is: How do I get it together?