Comfort Zone

I have been pulled out of my comfort zone a lot this week. Two absences already; I have only been to school one day this week. Class council retreat, not too bad, since it's been done before, except this time I'm the president. Yom Kippur - meditative, but I'm forced to fast and think hard about my life, while making up my homework assignments. No sleep.

And the biggest worry I have had is my friendships. I have not had much social time, although I have stuffed a bit in here and there. With all this activity, friendship really doesn't have much room. Yes, I spent all day doing icebreakers with the class council, but they are all just regular friends. None of them have the super close relationships that I depend on for life. So, yes I have had social time, but no meaningful social time.

I guess this has just been a work period. But I have so much to do and I haven't managed my time well enough to get everything done. I want to do some agendas for class council. I want to e-mail the Temple about my madrich position. I want to get a copy of my transcript. I want to check my new class rank. I want to sell senior girls shirts. And senior sweatshirts. Do my kanji. Finish my Stats hw. Write my UC personal statement. And my UW essay. And those common app essays too. Fix the light on my car. Get a job while I'm at it. Finish that silly culminating project. Re-organize the song on my zen. Look at scholarships. Apply for scholarships. Do my JSA stuff: make a list of chapter activism activities, call organizations, go to the actual event at the same time as the Salmon Days Parade - which I am in. Train for martial arts. Practice my form. Timed write after school. Class council meeting. Choose senior pics. Complete work forms for temple. Talk to art teachers. Delegate responsibilities. Gather donations for the auction: hotels, museums, Kirkland, Issaquah. Wake up early on Friday for spirit honking. Oh, and I have a weird blemish on my back that I assume is either acne or cancer. Hoping for the first guess. And then it just keeps going and going.

My motto used to be: "just keep swimming," but in this situation I might as well need a jet boat, which do not have at my disposal (why don't I just start drinking caffeinated beverages?). I just don't know how I can do it all. I don't know anyone who is exactly in my shoes, so I have nobody to look up to. What do I do? I can only look into myself.

I am jumping far outside my comfort zone which results in a bit of damage and slows me down from progress and thus sleep and additional progress. But I will only be slowed down further if I don't stumble now. Let's just hope these falters don't cause me to fall down too hard to get up.

"Watch The Sun Come Up" - Example



This song makes me feel in love. It makes me feel excited for my future. I just need to watch the sun come up, and keep going, and keep enjoying those small moments.

:)