Why

I've been searching for motivation to help me accomplish my goals. But I've been struggling to find that fuel to motivate me. I've asked my friends and parents what motivates them, and the answers have been pitifully inconclusive. What motivates one person does not motivate another person.

So after I argued with my mom this morning I felt miserable. I felt pointless. I felt unaccomplished. Looking back at my life I haven't done enough. I haven't really made an impact on the world. I wonder why on earth I deserved to go to a college like Berkeley if I am not good enough. I haven't held an orchestra concert for the hungry or gotten a good paying job. I haven't won any sports events. I haven't built a robot or done a fundraiser for a natural disaster. I haven't volunteered in Africa or organized a movement. But in all the time I hadn't done all this stuff I realized so much about my life.

I realized the real reason for living: to make a difference on a global scale for the betterment of humanity. There are so many ways to do this, but I know that I need one thing to accomplish this - a positive outlook.

While I may not qualify for Berkeley at the moment I know I would prove myself through my passion for change. I love improving people's lives. It is incredibly challenging, but infinitely rewarding. And while I haven't shined yet, I know with a focus on my goals and the right tools I will be able to make a difference. I am going to go forward with my aim and even the menial tasks like asking for auction donations will be focused on my main goal. If I can overcome my fears of selling and speaking to adult authorities I can take on future challenges like corrupt politicians or greedy corporations. I have to ask myself why am I even doing this, and usually it will be a great learning experience that will enable me to go further in the future.

What motivates you? What keeps you going when times are tough? I know that all I have to do is step back (maybe take a shower) and ask myself why.

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And on a completely separate and depressing note I realized that I might not keep in touch with some of my friends in the future. I mean, once I go to college and everything I will be separated from my close friends. I believed at one time that I could maintain some of my dearest friendships for many years to come, but now that I think about it I worry that it won't be possible. Somehow, someway I will maintain and even strengthen those close friendships for many years to come. I didn't know how I would get through Junior year, but I did, so I guess I will keep up my friends when that challenge comes.

Friendship keeps me alive.