One of my all time favorite songs!!!
"The Mixed Tape" - Jack's Mannequin
"This is morning
It's when I spend the most time
Thinking 'bout what I've given up"
Those are the lines that get me the most. The rest of the song does too, sort of.
This morning I started yet again by running. I ran at a minimum 5.5mph for 24 min and got to 2.4mi. I'm proud of myself. I'm just beginning.
I guess I am so tired of being afraid. I am tired of living a life I don't want to live. I am going to start changing my life, one step at a time. It will happen. I know it will. But I can't wait for change to happen, I must work harder than I ever have in my life to really see it become real.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Soulmates
I just watched the movie Timer. It's about a world where we can all find our soulmates. Basically everyone has the ability to get a device placed on their wrists and it shows a countdown until you will meet your true love. However the protagonist's timer is blank because her soulmate still has not gotten a timer. It brings up a lot of crazy issues like the 14 year old brother of the protagonist ending up meeting his soulmate so young. Even more awkward is the fact that his soulmate is the Mexican housekeeper's daughter. Or the other problem of marrying people who aren't your true loves.
I don't know if I would want a timer to tell me this. Sure it would be nice, but the convenience kills romance in a way. Although I guess we could all adapt. But whatever it is, I sure hope I meet my true love one day.
I spent all day today doing nothing. But I spent a lot of time thinking. I can't seem to focus on anything but one thing today. I need to just stop worrying about it, but my brain can't be stopped... I'm happy though. I feel so free today. I have been trapped for so long, but slowly I am digging the dirt out of my grave. I feel like I am being reborn each day.
It's just so weird to feel this way. I guess I never knew what this felt like until the past 48 hours. How unusual, isn't it?
I believe in God stronger than I ever have. I believe in this life I have to live. I believe that God has given me such a wonderful life and God has given me what I really want in life. All I have to do is take initiative to turn all that God has given me into a reality that I can truly be happy with.
That's the key to everything in life! When we are comfortable with ourselves, when we fully accept what God has given us and make the most out of that. I have been so afraid of everything for so long, and I know that everything is going to work out. It's going to take time, effort, and a lot of courage to lead the life I want to lead, but I know it will all work out.
"Hope" - Ryan Calhoun
I don't know if I would want a timer to tell me this. Sure it would be nice, but the convenience kills romance in a way. Although I guess we could all adapt. But whatever it is, I sure hope I meet my true love one day.
I spent all day today doing nothing. But I spent a lot of time thinking. I can't seem to focus on anything but one thing today. I need to just stop worrying about it, but my brain can't be stopped... I'm happy though. I feel so free today. I have been trapped for so long, but slowly I am digging the dirt out of my grave. I feel like I am being reborn each day.
It's just so weird to feel this way. I guess I never knew what this felt like until the past 48 hours. How unusual, isn't it?
I believe in God stronger than I ever have. I believe in this life I have to live. I believe that God has given me such a wonderful life and God has given me what I really want in life. All I have to do is take initiative to turn all that God has given me into a reality that I can truly be happy with.
That's the key to everything in life! When we are comfortable with ourselves, when we fully accept what God has given us and make the most out of that. I have been so afraid of everything for so long, and I know that everything is going to work out. It's going to take time, effort, and a lot of courage to lead the life I want to lead, but I know it will all work out.
"Hope" - Ryan Calhoun
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunrise
This morning was spectacular. The sunrise was so brilliant. Life is going to be tough, but I am reborn. I have so much ahead of me in my life and I know everything will be okay.
I feel so alive!
"Rise" - Kele Okereke
I feel so alive!
"Rise" - Kele Okereke
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Impossible
"Impossible" - Shontelle
fml (although my reasoning has nothing to do with the song lyrics.... for the most part).
do you ever wish you could talk to someone about something but you can't?
fml (although my reasoning has nothing to do with the song lyrics.... for the most part).
do you ever wish you could talk to someone about something but you can't?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Crashed the car, get on that bike.
In the fast lane on the interstate. Windows open wide; it's super hot and the Fahrenheit is rising fast. My two hands are on the wheels... most of the time. Oh no, I have a phone call. And then I receive a text message. The radio starts to break. There is smoke coming out of the radiator. I'm starting to wonder if I should have slept more, AH! especially as I start to swerve. I try to grab a glass of water, but it spills all over me. Yikes, I am crazy late! I have expectations and obligations to fulfill! I have fears to abate! The roof starts to cave. Tires start to detach from the axle. The steering wheel malfunctions after years of steady function. I keep trying to press that accelerator when I know I need to break. I slam into cars, but I keep going. I skip over guardrails, my lights stop functioning, the engine makes horrendous noises. SCREECH! I never pressed the brakes.... huh? The car has stopped in the middle of the highway. It is dark. I am all alone. Everything has stopped. Fire burns. The engine burps. The last wheels rolls away. What have I done?
That's only true for the first two sentences in literal sense, but the rest is true figuratively.
I have spent the past few years living my life in the fast lane. I've ignored the early warning signs like those sneaky noises beneath the hood or the warning lights right in front of my nose. I've only realized how bad my situation has transformed when I have hurt so many people and demolished my own sense of self and well-being. So for the past week or two I have been basically doing nothing because I don't know what to do when my car malfunctions. I don't know what to do when my life falls apart from my own doing.
Life is simple now. I wake up late. Finally today the weather was pleasant and I went outside. I spend a lot of time doing nothing on the computer. I spend a lot of time completing simple tasks and chores. I spend a lot of time doing nothing. I spend a lot of time thinking. Every once in a while I have something interesting going on. Yesterday I worked out at martial arts until my arms felt like jelly. I've been entranced by the surprising world cup matches. I've stared at the weather forecast a lot. I've hiked. I've hung out with friends every other day. I saw Bill Cosby and Toy Story 3. I'm just trying to get back on my feet. The car may have stopped working, but now I am riding the streetcar, slow, pleasant, but completely out of my control.
Psychiatrist. I start to wonder. Maybe I am really messed up. Hopefully this will help me end this misery. Life isn't supposed to be like this. Life isn't supposed to be this uncomfortable! I stand around as I play ultimate frisbee and I feel so awkward. I talk to friends and I just am so anxious. I really want to change. I really want to be more flexible, more resilient, more... normal, but I guess I'm not.
I question if all these years of therapy have worked. I've gone through three people now. I've gone through so much stress and anxiety. But this is the first time I've actually gotten out of the car.
Soon I have to get off this streetcar and actually go somewhere. The streetcar only takes me to a few stops. I need to get on my bike and live the life I want to live. Basically I need to stop living this crazy life in the left most fast lane and start using a different mode of transportation to travel my journey of life.
Bikes require more effort. But they don't break down as much. They strengthen me as a whole person. I am slowing down, but for the better of my future. Most importantly, I am setting my own path.
My biggest fear of the University of Washington was determining a unique identity. Dozens of people at my high school, most of my good friends, are going to the UW. Obviously there are benefits of that aspect. But in the same way, isn't college about finding your own individual path? I always thought that going to Berkeley would solve that for me. It was different enough.
I sit here and I start to laugh at myself actually. I don't even know what's wrong with UW. It truly is like a Berkeley clone. Yes, I'll have to get over the lack of a true campanile, the mascot, and the other silly things. Those are all external. Even the ranking is silly in the whole context of college. I mean, a difference of 20 spots? Can that really determine if one place is that much better than the other? Maybe it's only because I live around all these Huskies. I need to go somewhere where being a Husky is not just assumed.
So instead I am becoming the person I want to be at UW. I am participating in an early fall start to get me started on the right track. I get to take a class on global perspectives of global warming, something I am actually interested in researching or working in someday. I might take a FIG. And I need to sign up for a language placement test. No, I'm not going to Berkeley... or some other fancy bigshot school, but I am going to a place where I can find myself, shine, and break out of these clouds that seem to always smother me. I will make it here and then I will make it anywhere!
"Tenderoni" - Kele
That's only true for the first two sentences in literal sense, but the rest is true figuratively.
I have spent the past few years living my life in the fast lane. I've ignored the early warning signs like those sneaky noises beneath the hood or the warning lights right in front of my nose. I've only realized how bad my situation has transformed when I have hurt so many people and demolished my own sense of self and well-being. So for the past week or two I have been basically doing nothing because I don't know what to do when my car malfunctions. I don't know what to do when my life falls apart from my own doing.
Life is simple now. I wake up late. Finally today the weather was pleasant and I went outside. I spend a lot of time doing nothing on the computer. I spend a lot of time completing simple tasks and chores. I spend a lot of time doing nothing. I spend a lot of time thinking. Every once in a while I have something interesting going on. Yesterday I worked out at martial arts until my arms felt like jelly. I've been entranced by the surprising world cup matches. I've stared at the weather forecast a lot. I've hiked. I've hung out with friends every other day. I saw Bill Cosby and Toy Story 3. I'm just trying to get back on my feet. The car may have stopped working, but now I am riding the streetcar, slow, pleasant, but completely out of my control.
Psychiatrist. I start to wonder. Maybe I am really messed up. Hopefully this will help me end this misery. Life isn't supposed to be like this. Life isn't supposed to be this uncomfortable! I stand around as I play ultimate frisbee and I feel so awkward. I talk to friends and I just am so anxious. I really want to change. I really want to be more flexible, more resilient, more... normal, but I guess I'm not.
I question if all these years of therapy have worked. I've gone through three people now. I've gone through so much stress and anxiety. But this is the first time I've actually gotten out of the car.
Soon I have to get off this streetcar and actually go somewhere. The streetcar only takes me to a few stops. I need to get on my bike and live the life I want to live. Basically I need to stop living this crazy life in the left most fast lane and start using a different mode of transportation to travel my journey of life.
Bikes require more effort. But they don't break down as much. They strengthen me as a whole person. I am slowing down, but for the better of my future. Most importantly, I am setting my own path.
My biggest fear of the University of Washington was determining a unique identity. Dozens of people at my high school, most of my good friends, are going to the UW. Obviously there are benefits of that aspect. But in the same way, isn't college about finding your own individual path? I always thought that going to Berkeley would solve that for me. It was different enough.
I sit here and I start to laugh at myself actually. I don't even know what's wrong with UW. It truly is like a Berkeley clone. Yes, I'll have to get over the lack of a true campanile, the mascot, and the other silly things. Those are all external. Even the ranking is silly in the whole context of college. I mean, a difference of 20 spots? Can that really determine if one place is that much better than the other? Maybe it's only because I live around all these Huskies. I need to go somewhere where being a Husky is not just assumed.
So instead I am becoming the person I want to be at UW. I am participating in an early fall start to get me started on the right track. I get to take a class on global perspectives of global warming, something I am actually interested in researching or working in someday. I might take a FIG. And I need to sign up for a language placement test. No, I'm not going to Berkeley... or some other fancy bigshot school, but I am going to a place where I can find myself, shine, and break out of these clouds that seem to always smother me. I will make it here and then I will make it anywhere!
"Tenderoni" - Kele
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Ice
Do you ever feel like you keep trying to accomplish things, but you just keep slipping down the slope? Today I have done nothing. I started writing some thank you notes. I lounged around on my computer. I am going to get so fat if I keep this up.
The weather is just so dreary. I wake up and I just go through the day as if I am a machine. Maybe there is some drug to fix me. That would make life easy. But we don't have a panacea for everything. I am just so lost, so lifeless. I keep slipping like an otter on the ice without claws to grasp anything.
For small moments I am motivated. For maybe an hour I can get things done. But every day it gets worse and worse. I can only do mechanical things now. My brain has died. My creativity has disappeared.
I am so scared. I don't love anyone. I don't care about anything anymore. I have no interest in anything I used to care about. I have to force myself to listen to my friends. I have to force myself to get out of bed. I don't have any motivation these days. And these days without friends or planned activities make me realize how miserable and pathetic my life is. Everyone around me is going places, finding success, doing things, living life, but I am here in my gloomy state like a slug in the mud.
No, not everything is falling apart all at once. But rather day by day, my life is being chipped away by this mysterious presence. I am being eaten alive somehow and I just want all this misery to stop.
I wish someone would understand me.
-----------------------------------------------------------
This sounded interesting and more applicable than my typical music ending:
If your life were a soundtrack, what would the music be?
Here’s how it works:
1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, iPod)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that’s playing
5. new question– press the next button
6. don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool
Opening Credits: "Hunting for Witches" - Bloc Party
slight creepy beginning; is my archetype the victim?
Waking Up: "Earth to Bella (Part II)" - Incubus
rather calming awakening... nice
First Day of School: "Leave Out All the Rest" - Linkin Park
hmm... i guess it's about my non-conformity
Falling in Love: "Sweet and Low" - Augustana
romantic tune.... quite pleasant
Breaking Up: "All Good Things (Come to an End)" - Nelly Furtado
appropriate, very appropriate
Prom: "1901" - Phoenix
prom worked out beautifully. it all fell in place.
Life's Ok: "Silver Lining" - Rilo Kiley
when life is just in the doldrums, seek the silver linings?
Mental Breakdown: "Fire and Rain" - Mat Kearney
I freak when all my life worries collide. too bad the song has nothing to do with that.
Driving: "LDN" - Lily Allen
she walks and bikes through London, so i guess that's my favorite type of driving :)
Flashback: "You Found Me" - The Fray
reminiscence
Getting Back Together: "Pocketful of Sunshine" - Natasha Bedingfield
a little ray of hope, hopefully.
Birth of a Child: "Decode" - Paramore
huh? deciding what to do with an unwanted baby?
Wedding Scene: "Dig" - Incubus
a song about committment and lifelong relationships!
Final Battle: "Make Yourself" - Incubus
the struggle of life and the denouement of it all... excellent song for this.
Death Scene: "Bottle It Up" - Sara Bareilles
I hope my death isn't filled with bottled secrets... but hopefully there is love!
Funeral Song: "I'm Not Over" - Carolina Liar
I'm a zombie?
Ending Credits: "Viva La Vida" - Coldplay
hm. I don't know what to think of this. I don't want to be a monarch. but this seems like a good song for an ending.
The weather is just so dreary. I wake up and I just go through the day as if I am a machine. Maybe there is some drug to fix me. That would make life easy. But we don't have a panacea for everything. I am just so lost, so lifeless. I keep slipping like an otter on the ice without claws to grasp anything.
For small moments I am motivated. For maybe an hour I can get things done. But every day it gets worse and worse. I can only do mechanical things now. My brain has died. My creativity has disappeared.
I am so scared. I don't love anyone. I don't care about anything anymore. I have no interest in anything I used to care about. I have to force myself to listen to my friends. I have to force myself to get out of bed. I don't have any motivation these days. And these days without friends or planned activities make me realize how miserable and pathetic my life is. Everyone around me is going places, finding success, doing things, living life, but I am here in my gloomy state like a slug in the mud.
No, not everything is falling apart all at once. But rather day by day, my life is being chipped away by this mysterious presence. I am being eaten alive somehow and I just want all this misery to stop.
I wish someone would understand me.
-----------------------------------------------------------
This sounded interesting and more applicable than my typical music ending:
If your life were a soundtrack, what would the music be?
Here’s how it works:
1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, iPod)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that’s playing
5. new question– press the next button
6. don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool
Opening Credits: "Hunting for Witches" - Bloc Party
slight creepy beginning; is my archetype the victim?
Waking Up: "Earth to Bella (Part II)" - Incubus
rather calming awakening... nice
First Day of School: "Leave Out All the Rest" - Linkin Park
hmm... i guess it's about my non-conformity
Falling in Love: "Sweet and Low" - Augustana
romantic tune.... quite pleasant
Breaking Up: "All Good Things (Come to an End)" - Nelly Furtado
appropriate, very appropriate
Prom: "1901" - Phoenix
prom worked out beautifully. it all fell in place.
Life's Ok: "Silver Lining" - Rilo Kiley
when life is just in the doldrums, seek the silver linings?
Mental Breakdown: "Fire and Rain" - Mat Kearney
I freak when all my life worries collide. too bad the song has nothing to do with that.
Driving: "LDN" - Lily Allen
she walks and bikes through London, so i guess that's my favorite type of driving :)
Flashback: "You Found Me" - The Fray
reminiscence
Getting Back Together: "Pocketful of Sunshine" - Natasha Bedingfield
a little ray of hope, hopefully.
Birth of a Child: "Decode" - Paramore
huh? deciding what to do with an unwanted baby?
Wedding Scene: "Dig" - Incubus
a song about committment and lifelong relationships!
Final Battle: "Make Yourself" - Incubus
the struggle of life and the denouement of it all... excellent song for this.
Death Scene: "Bottle It Up" - Sara Bareilles
I hope my death isn't filled with bottled secrets... but hopefully there is love!
Funeral Song: "I'm Not Over" - Carolina Liar
I'm a zombie?
Ending Credits: "Viva La Vida" - Coldplay
hm. I don't know what to think of this. I don't want to be a monarch. but this seems like a good song for an ending.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Rejuvenation
I have spent the past few days largely in solitude. I have lived mindlessly. Inputting numbers into a keyboard can only solace my heart for so long.
Belonging. Maybe it is because I have never felt love. Maybe it is because I have always been an individual, a non-conformist. But I have always wanted to feel belonging. I have always wanted to just feel like I am part of something without having to even think about it. I think most people want that feeling.
Look at facebook. People post so much information out there, some things so private like your relationships, photographs, and deep thoughts. Why are so many people in this world so alone?
Part of the problem is just pure laziness and another problem is high expectations. I feel like I am never satisfied with the people who accept me. On the other hand I don't really bother trying to be a really good friend most of the time. I am brutally selfish so often. Especially recently, my life has revolved around myself.
I like to hold hands. Hands have so many nerve endings. All you have to do is softly touch two cold fingertips to feel a sudden, magical warmth linking two human souls. I don't like hugs. Hugs have too many nerve endings. Hugs are everywhere. You can't sense the other person's soul. Hugs scare me. Hands are gentle.
Hands are merely the medium for romance. Touch is capable of so much. Touch is the most uncomfortable sense for us to feel sometimes. Too short and it can be unlovable. Too strong and it can be brutal. Too long and it can be awkward. Too soft and it can be foreboding. Touch is so human. Babies die without it. Music is made with it. Novels are created with it. Hands are magic.
I guess my rejuvenation is a revisitation of my senses. I am rediscovering the magic of hands. I am realizing how lonely I feel. I also am realizing why I am so bitter. After this year of bitterness I think I have learned a lot. I was jealous of so many people. I was hateful. I was selfish. I was lazy. I was stupid. I was foolish. But now I am more mature. I have learned. Now it is summer. Now I am going to really live. Now I am going to do what I love. I am going to continue to face hardship, but this school year is finished. That frustrating chapter of my life is now placed aside.
My thoughts are all over the place. My life is all over the place. My room is a mess. I lack goals. I lack dreams. I lack motivation. I need to return to a place of peace.
"Remain" - Delphic
This song really makes me think about touch.
Belonging. Maybe it is because I have never felt love. Maybe it is because I have always been an individual, a non-conformist. But I have always wanted to feel belonging. I have always wanted to just feel like I am part of something without having to even think about it. I think most people want that feeling.
Look at facebook. People post so much information out there, some things so private like your relationships, photographs, and deep thoughts. Why are so many people in this world so alone?
Part of the problem is just pure laziness and another problem is high expectations. I feel like I am never satisfied with the people who accept me. On the other hand I don't really bother trying to be a really good friend most of the time. I am brutally selfish so often. Especially recently, my life has revolved around myself.
I like to hold hands. Hands have so many nerve endings. All you have to do is softly touch two cold fingertips to feel a sudden, magical warmth linking two human souls. I don't like hugs. Hugs have too many nerve endings. Hugs are everywhere. You can't sense the other person's soul. Hugs scare me. Hands are gentle.
Hands are merely the medium for romance. Touch is capable of so much. Touch is the most uncomfortable sense for us to feel sometimes. Too short and it can be unlovable. Too strong and it can be brutal. Too long and it can be awkward. Too soft and it can be foreboding. Touch is so human. Babies die without it. Music is made with it. Novels are created with it. Hands are magic.
I guess my rejuvenation is a revisitation of my senses. I am rediscovering the magic of hands. I am realizing how lonely I feel. I also am realizing why I am so bitter. After this year of bitterness I think I have learned a lot. I was jealous of so many people. I was hateful. I was selfish. I was lazy. I was stupid. I was foolish. But now I am more mature. I have learned. Now it is summer. Now I am going to really live. Now I am going to do what I love. I am going to continue to face hardship, but this school year is finished. That frustrating chapter of my life is now placed aside.
My thoughts are all over the place. My life is all over the place. My room is a mess. I lack goals. I lack dreams. I lack motivation. I need to return to a place of peace.
"Remain" - Delphic
This song really makes me think about touch.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Awareness
Today I saw a fascinating documentary about migrant workers in China. They live such frustrating lives, and remarkably dismal and simple ones at that. I often complain about my life, but after watching this documentary I realized how lucky I really do have it. The girl in the documentary was under some illusion that the only way to be happy in life is to be free, free from the prison of school, and with money from work. Only problem is that she now works hours upon hours at menial laborious jobs, only making enough money for some pleasure. She is missing out on so much joy in life because she dropped out of high school.
Meanwhile here in Washington I sit and whine about my college I am going to and how unsuccessful I am. I bemoan about how pitiful my life is, when other people in the world can only see their loved ones every once in a while and work nonstop to provide for people who they can only meet each new year holiday. I don't have to wait five days to board a train home. I don't have to break my back and eyes to earn $500 for my family. I don't have to work on a farm. I don't have to live without a clean floor. I don't have to live under miserable smog.
I look around me and I despise America sometimes. I hate how we have to take up so much space for our houses. I hate how we complain so much. I hate how my friends can never be happy with their lives. I hate how late everyone is here. I hate how much people judge here. I just hate so much about it. I feel sometimes like we all need to really struggle for a few years to understand the harsh reality of life.
I have had this emotional struggle for years now. This weekend I graduated. This weekend I have closed several miserable chapters of my life. I am ready to roll up my sleeves and face this world, this very new world. Independence is outstretched before me and I have unlimited opportunity. I am not trapped in the smog of China's dependent economy. I am not engulfed by the tensions of Israel. I am not enslaved by AIDS.
I live in a free place. I have all this freedom, but I waste so much of it away. I guess the point of freedom is that you figure out what direction you want to lead. I am not entirely sure of that yet, but I know that I love this planet. What I do with that love will depend on how much I ignite my passion.
This summer is for igniting passion. This summer is for understanding freedom. This summer is for reconciling friendships. This summer is for earning my black belt. This summer is for workin hard. This summer is for building awareness.
"Pyramid" - Charice ft. Iyaz
Meanwhile here in Washington I sit and whine about my college I am going to and how unsuccessful I am. I bemoan about how pitiful my life is, when other people in the world can only see their loved ones every once in a while and work nonstop to provide for people who they can only meet each new year holiday. I don't have to wait five days to board a train home. I don't have to break my back and eyes to earn $500 for my family. I don't have to work on a farm. I don't have to live without a clean floor. I don't have to live under miserable smog.
I look around me and I despise America sometimes. I hate how we have to take up so much space for our houses. I hate how we complain so much. I hate how my friends can never be happy with their lives. I hate how late everyone is here. I hate how much people judge here. I just hate so much about it. I feel sometimes like we all need to really struggle for a few years to understand the harsh reality of life.
I have had this emotional struggle for years now. This weekend I graduated. This weekend I have closed several miserable chapters of my life. I am ready to roll up my sleeves and face this world, this very new world. Independence is outstretched before me and I have unlimited opportunity. I am not trapped in the smog of China's dependent economy. I am not engulfed by the tensions of Israel. I am not enslaved by AIDS.
I live in a free place. I have all this freedom, but I waste so much of it away. I guess the point of freedom is that you figure out what direction you want to lead. I am not entirely sure of that yet, but I know that I love this planet. What I do with that love will depend on how much I ignite my passion.
This summer is for igniting passion. This summer is for understanding freedom. This summer is for reconciling friendships. This summer is for earning my black belt. This summer is for workin hard. This summer is for building awareness.
"Pyramid" - Charice ft. Iyaz
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Illusions
There is nothing wrong with dreaming, but there is something wrong with living a life in which reality is an illusion. Illusions make reality appear untrue, but figuring out what is true is vital toward living the a life of peace.
"Deja Vu" - 3OH!3
"Deja Vu" - 3OH!3
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Are You Ready?
"Un-Thinkable (I'm Ready)" - Alicia Keys
For a long time, I have been very afraid of life, of myself, of my fears. Anxiety eats me. I keep trying to figure out who I am and I struggle to be the person I want to be.
Last night was one of the most wonderful nights of my life. I had worked so hard to make prom amazing. I wish I hadn't been so mean to my date in the beginning, but I think everything worked out for the rest of the night. The limo worked out. The weather was marvelous in Seattle. And the venue was gorgeous. I had so much pure fun with my best buds and my lifelong friends, and I know I chose the right people to spend my night with. The whole experience was just so magical. From sundown to sunup, I was just immersed in so much happiness, so my vibrancy, so much life.
I also had a fascinating conversation with a great friend. Sometimes we do the un-thinkable, but I think I am ready. I think I am ready to face my fears. Thank you, you know who you are.
I feel contented for the first time in ages. Life is going to be challenging, but the potholes ahead are so much easier when we are okay with ourselves.
For a long time, I have been very afraid of life, of myself, of my fears. Anxiety eats me. I keep trying to figure out who I am and I struggle to be the person I want to be.
Last night was one of the most wonderful nights of my life. I had worked so hard to make prom amazing. I wish I hadn't been so mean to my date in the beginning, but I think everything worked out for the rest of the night. The limo worked out. The weather was marvelous in Seattle. And the venue was gorgeous. I had so much pure fun with my best buds and my lifelong friends, and I know I chose the right people to spend my night with. The whole experience was just so magical. From sundown to sunup, I was just immersed in so much happiness, so my vibrancy, so much life.
I also had a fascinating conversation with a great friend. Sometimes we do the un-thinkable, but I think I am ready. I think I am ready to face my fears. Thank you, you know who you are.
I feel contented for the first time in ages. Life is going to be challenging, but the potholes ahead are so much easier when we are okay with ourselves.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Wake Up
I awoke today to brilliant sunshine streaming through my window. Today is prom, the culmination of many efforts. Today is a great day. Even if it doesn't turn out perfectly, there will be many wonderful memories today. Today is going to be one of those days, I just know it.
I better get ready, I'll be starting my adventures in only four hours!
"Umbrella Beach" - Owl City
I better get ready, I'll be starting my adventures in only four hours!
"Umbrella Beach" - Owl City
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Insanity
This week has been truly insane. Last Thursday I worked for seven hours on a physics project. The next day I held a party for nine hours at my house. I had to clean up the entire house (thank god my friends were nice enough to help me). I slept on Saturday, but then I decided to go pack meals for Haiti on Saturday, and again on Sunday. Then Monday I worked another nine hours on my Othello play for literature class. Prom is on Saturday. I've had more Othello work. I've had a physics scavenger hunt. I've had a statistics presentation. I've had a book analysis for government. But it is all coming to a close.
Every day this week has been overwhelming. I have had more stuff to do than I could ever imagine. I am in the rush of a waterfall, you know that point right beneath the waterfall where the water crashes against the surface of the river and churns the rocks below. I am in the midst of the thunderstorm spawning tornadoes, hail, and floods.
Life is crazy. At times like these we cannot lose motivation. We cannot lose sight of all that is ahead of us. Life is crazy, but I just hope I don't whither before I enjoy it!
"Animal" - Neon Trees
Every day this week has been overwhelming. I have had more stuff to do than I could ever imagine. I am in the rush of a waterfall, you know that point right beneath the waterfall where the water crashes against the surface of the river and churns the rocks below. I am in the midst of the thunderstorm spawning tornadoes, hail, and floods.
Life is crazy. At times like these we cannot lose motivation. We cannot lose sight of all that is ahead of us. Life is crazy, but I just hope I don't whither before I enjoy it!
"Animal" - Neon Trees
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