Ice

Do you ever feel like you keep trying to accomplish things, but you just keep slipping down the slope? Today I have done nothing. I started writing some thank you notes. I lounged around on my computer. I am going to get so fat if I keep this up.

The weather is just so dreary. I wake up and I just go through the day as if I am a machine. Maybe there is some drug to fix me. That would make life easy. But we don't have a panacea for everything. I am just so lost, so lifeless. I keep slipping like an otter on the ice without claws to grasp anything.

For small moments I am motivated. For maybe an hour I can get things done. But every day it gets worse and worse. I can only do mechanical things now. My brain has died. My creativity has disappeared.

I am so scared. I don't love anyone. I don't care about anything anymore. I have no interest in anything I used to care about. I have to force myself to listen to my friends. I have to force myself to get out of bed. I don't have any motivation these days. And these days without friends or planned activities make me realize how miserable and pathetic my life is. Everyone around me is going places, finding success, doing things, living life, but I am here in my gloomy state like a slug in the mud.

No, not everything is falling apart all at once. But rather day by day, my life is being chipped away by this mysterious presence. I am being eaten alive somehow and I just want all this misery to stop.


I wish someone would understand me.

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This sounded interesting and more applicable than my typical music ending:

If your life were a soundtrack, what would the music be?

Here’s how it works:
1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, iPod)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that’s playing
5. new question– press the next button
6. don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool

Opening Credits: "Hunting for Witches" - Bloc Party
slight creepy beginning; is my archetype the victim?

Waking Up: "Earth to Bella (Part II)" - Incubus
rather calming awakening... nice

First Day of School: "Leave Out All the Rest" - Linkin Park
hmm... i guess it's about my non-conformity

Falling in Love: "Sweet and Low" - Augustana
romantic tune.... quite pleasant

Breaking Up: "All Good Things (Come to an End)" - Nelly Furtado
appropriate, very appropriate

Prom: "1901" - Phoenix
prom worked out beautifully. it all fell in place.

Life's Ok: "Silver Lining" - Rilo Kiley
when life is just in the doldrums, seek the silver linings?

Mental Breakdown: "Fire and Rain" - Mat Kearney
I freak when all my life worries collide. too bad the song has nothing to do with that.

Driving: "LDN" - Lily Allen
she walks and bikes through London, so i guess that's my favorite type of driving :)

Flashback: "You Found Me" - The Fray
reminiscence

Getting Back Together: "Pocketful of Sunshine" - Natasha Bedingfield
a little ray of hope, hopefully.

Birth of a Child: "Decode" - Paramore
huh? deciding what to do with an unwanted baby?

Wedding Scene: "Dig" - Incubus
a song about committment and lifelong relationships!

Final Battle: "Make Yourself" - Incubus
the struggle of life and the denouement of it all... excellent song for this.

Death Scene: "Bottle It Up" - Sara Bareilles
I hope my death isn't filled with bottled secrets... but hopefully there is love!

Funeral Song: "I'm Not Over" - Carolina Liar
I'm a zombie?

Ending Credits: "Viva La Vida" - Coldplay
hm. I don't know what to think of this. I don't want to be a monarch. but this seems like a good song for an ending.