5771

l'shanah tovah. It's now 5771, a new year. This is the most important new year in my opinion. It is the time when I can declare my sins to God and seek atonement for my wrongdoing. It is a period of ten days in which I can reflect on my life and really figure out who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life.

I took a look at my blog back in September of 2009. Boy, I have changed. My whole life was about meeting certain dreams a year ago. This was me:

BERKELEY
CALIFORNIA
SAT
ACT
NATIONAL MERIT
GEOGRAPHY BEE
KUMON
GRADES

My whole life, everything revolved around success, accomplishment, achievement. I look back at my life and realize why I am such a boring person today. I have few hobbies because I have devoted so much of my life to achievement. Sadly I never seemed to attain all these goals I sought. Yet I am happy I failed. If I had kept doing well on that path I would stay on it. Now I am trying something different.

My rabbi's dvar was very interesting today. He told a story of a boy who broke the rules by wearing the tallit and playing the shofar to free the wandering spirits of the dead after a dream. The point was that the boy cared more about faith than the set rules of Judaism. He took a special moment and did his part to make a difference. We all have special moments of challenge in our lives. We are faced with situations and choices. We can choose to take action. Or not.

The point is that sometimes we need to take those leaps of faith. Often they disappoint us. I took too much of a leap with Berkeley perhaps. But you still have to believe fully in your dreams. Look at Anne Frank for example. She said in her book that "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart." Yet she died. Nevertheless we have to believe in the best possibilities or we end up dying on the inside.

I have some new goals.

- take up "special moments of challenge"
- perform random acts of kindness
- get to know people better
- restore old or faded friendships
- give better hugs
- believe in something

You know what, I don't need 24hr sunshine or a new place to find a new me. I am going to be the person I want to be because I am going to believe in myself. I am going to have faith in who I am. I can do this for once because I am finally being honest with myself. I can do this because I am freed from the chains of my cycle of broken dreams. My path is now uncharted.

"Uncharted" - Sara Bareilles