So Here We Are

The past two days have been long and exhausting in ways that are difficult to describe. I haven't had enough sleep recently. I have been somewhat behind and overwhelmed by homework and campaigning. I have been doing so many social things, and today I was really feeling worn by all the socialization.

Yesterday was a yucky morning filled with lecture and rushed academics. Later I went with a friend who doesn't know me entirely well to the city to develop my film and visit some sites. I loved the view from the water tower at Volunteer Park, and I felt inspired by the glorious sunshine across the city of Seattle and the surrounding metropolis. The leaves are changing color and in the sun the colors are incredible. Later on I tried some salted caramel ice cream and pear sorbet at Molly Moon's ice cream and it was quite a treat.

My social outings continued as I ate a rushed dinner and then watched a movie with more friends. The film, Winter's Bone, was dark, dramatic, and thought-provoking, so I really enjoyed it. I went to sleep late, woke up early this morning to run with a friend, and then studied with a friend the rest of the afternoon in my favorite study cafe. For the most part I was depressingly unproductive. All the time with my friends was great, but I felt exhausted from it. I talked to my friend about how lonely I feel despite having all these friends amongst me. My mood started to sour internally. I stopped being my friendly self. Now I sit in a coffee shop on Capitol Hill alone and away from all my friend and the people at college.
I just don't feel like I fit in with everyone at UW. A friend asked me to go to a frat party, but I was uninterested. I don't want to drink and party. I don't want to go to all these costume parties. I don't want to smoke hookah or spend all my time working out at the IMA. I love my friends, but they all seem to be so bored. Plus I am frightened by many of these experiences as stupid as it may seem. I just feel so uncomfortable with parties, drinking, or even working out at the gym.
I want to explore the city. I want to go on adventures. I want to eat delicious food. I want to discuss complex topics from class and go to thought-provoking museums and sites. Maybe I am the only one like that in the world, but I hope I find someone who shares my interests, a companion who I can really spend time with for the rest of my life (in the long-term.... I don't necessarily need this now). So in the meantime I will try to enjoy life in the moment and love all that I love by myself.

In the meantime, I just found out that my grandma passed away. She was so inspiring. I feel like I have lost a part of me. I don't really know what to think. I can't really comprehend it all. I am in shock. I just hope she has found peace.

"So Here We Are" - Bloc Party