What's the Point?

What is the purpose of all this difficult work? Why am I punishing myself to be happy? Life is so unclear, so paradoxical. I feel in the depths of despair. I feel miserable. I feel joyless and dissatisfied. I just want it all to be over with. I wish I had not procrastinated so dangerously. I fell into the trap and never again do I want to be as stupid as to repeat my foolish mistakes. I need to rise up. I need to take charge of my life. I will not cry, I will not fall. I will rise.

There are many challenges in life; the most difficult ones are those that seem to never have an end. I am stuck in this. Yet I realize that there are far more difficult struggles faced by people around the world and in my community. What about the girl in Camden who's mom is an alcoholic and has no father? What about the boy in Detroit who lost three of his siblings and now is afraid to go to school? What about the teenager in South Dakota saving his money for an education at the technical school so he can escape the reservation despite the fact that he has an infant to care for since the girlfriend left? What about the mother in the Congo who has been raped and starved and only hopes for some crops to grow and a trivial amount of education? We must step into the shoes of others to be inspired to help them and to help ourselves. Even if I feel no motivation any longer, I must find the motivation for the sake of these souls, the ones who deserve my full hearted efforts.

And when I see the immaturity of many high school students and "may madness," the ranking and bracket of particular girls based purely on their looks, I realize that I must rise above. I can succeed. I do not succumb to the triviality of the teenage boy. I realize there are greater things in the world. And while these boys will one day realize that they are incredibly crass, I hope that I can look back at my past and be proud of myself. But I know I will have to satisfy my own expectations to feel any pride.

Alas, if I want to achieve my goals I must get to work, and sadly it is time to return to APUSH study.... sigh.