Blame

I try to find a blame for my problems usually. I seek a medical cure. Or a psychological one. Or I blame my parents. Or I blame my friends. Or I blame my lack of sleep. Or poor eating habits. Or sickness. Or the auction. Or time. Or something else. I seem to always search for blame. It's so much easier to blame something for one's problems. But I have to face the facts.

"Mess of Me" - Switchfoot



"I am my own affliction. I am my own disease"
"There ain't no drug to make me well"

It's sooooo true. I am my own disease. I cause my problems. I can't blame myself, but I can't hide myself in all the blame. I can't keep finding excuses for my problems. I need to make a difference in my life. And I just need to stand up and do it. There is no easy panacea. My life is falling apart because I have been clinging to the cliff for too long. I mean if I do all these things and I can't even find time to apply to college, what kind of person does that make me? I wish I could just be on top of things. But I'm not. I am not perfect.

But it's time to reverse this tragedy. "I want to spend the rest of my life alive!"

That takes hard work, perseverance, and determination. I guess I just need to be done with this. I need to be done with the weakling that I am. I have strength. I have spirit. I have confidence. Especially after the 15 page paper I just completed.

One more week - then freedom. End 2009 with a shebang!