Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Feeling Unusual

This past week has been so crazy. There has been such an emotional roller coaster in the past few days. I want to have a fun, but memorable prom. I want to be myself. I want to be free from all the misery that suffocates me. I just want to be the person I want to be. Yet how can I? There are so many judgments. There are so many passions I have. There is so much I want to do. I feel like so much has fallen apart recently in my life. I feel like nobody cares. I feel like I am being selfish. I feel like I am trapped in this miserable mood.

When can I be free? When can this depression just end? I hate it so much. I hate being this way whatever it is. This sluggish, head-throbbing exhaustion. This loneliness and isolation. This feeling of exclusion. This feeling of constant awkwardness. This feeling of boredom. This feeling of dullness.

I have never really known who I am. And I still am so confused. So many people have such unique traits and substance to their lives. But what am I? When I walk into a room I feel like a blank slate and I could just sit there and say nothing or say alot. But in the end I would be disposable. Is that really all that I am? Disposable?

"Remake Me & You" - Diana Vickers

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