Wonder Woman

Ugh. That's how I felt as the plastic packet landed on my table at 7:30 am. AP tests have arrived. In four hours I am off eating at Panera, but in the mean time I am dying to escape from the easiest of my three tests. Thank god it will all be over by the end of the week.

It was during the test that I realized how much that I wanted to achieve earlier in the year remains unaccomplished. Then again, I don't even have clear goals, long-term or short-term in my sights. I hate a lot of what I do. My prom stuff. My classes. My actual prom stuff. My career goals.

It hits me again when the kids slam their plastic packets on to my lonely desk smashed against the fake plant at Kumon. I teach a kid how to cross multiply. I think I will take on that Hebrew teaching job next year at temple.

Oh God. Then there is you. I don't know what to think about you. I guess I need to give you more credit, but it seems like success is only seen by the non-believers, the people who transgress faith and live without fear of their moral actions. Yet I feel almost trapped by moral obligation. Then again this contradicts my moral tenets and my belief in you. I do need to have more faith though. Success cannot match the splendor of joy in faith.

I cannot do much to fix my reputation in my class council at this point through words. I cannot do much to increase my piety. I cannot do much to change my college dreams and be in California next year. But I can embrace what I have. I can act. I can stop worrying all the time about all this. But it is so challenging. Stopping all this craziness is probably not plausible, but I can extinguish the overwhelming emotional weight of it all. I can't be a superman or a wonder woman. I am me. And when I can accept who I am for all of it, good, bad, wonderful, deep, shallow, and perplexing, I can find some contentment. But most of all I need to stop trying to be something, and just go for it. Live and stop thinking so much. Yes, think about the real deep questions of sciences and politics, but stop the obsession over reputation, college, satisfaction, stress, perfection, and all those permutations of life in general.

Live. Live. Live. Do. Do. Do. And breathe in those roses, flowers, and hints of recycled waste.

"Wonder Woman" - Frankmusik



Even wonder woman needs to get her nails done...