Wow. It's Actually Happened.

I started class at UW. One of my best friends left for university across the country. It's August 29th now.

High school was such an age of simplicity. I could pretend to live in a world of childhood. I could ignore the real issues of the world, finances, occupations, networking, bureaucracy, credit, registration, the words that children don't understand, but adults use as their secret language. Now I am thrust into this crazy world, this world of adulthood. I feel so free, yet so trapped.

I can control my money, but now I cannot get what I want whenever I want it.
I can go wherever I wish, but I need to have the means and funds to do so.
I can do anything I set my mind to, but nobody is going to remind me to balance my life.
I can eat whatever I wish, but I have nobody to keep me in check for food.
I can be as clean or messy as I wish, but nobody will remind me of the status of my cleanliness.
I can communicate however and whenever I wish, but nobody will tell me when to communicate.

I am free, but I am trapped.

I love to drive to my favorite viewpoint above the Issaquah Highlands to watch the sunset. Yesterday evening was the last time I got to see that with my dear friend. We have had such a difficult relationship this summer, but I really hope that through my honesty and the short time we had to mend the broken connections that we rebuilt somewhat of a rapport.

I really don't know what to expect in this new era of my life. College. It's not at all what I expected when I first started this whole process of searching, applying, and choosing four years ago. I landed on my perfect climate in the bay area. I landed on a well-established college, known around the world. I landed on an excellent academic reputation in my field and a progressive, active culture. I landed on Berkeley for four years. Or at least that was where the ship was meant to sail.

The ship never made it there. The ship is taking port in Seattle. The University of Washington. I always imagined college being so different. Never seeing a face I know. Being in the sunlight around trees and beautiful nineteenth century buildings. Seeing faces of many cultures and backgrounds. Participating in many different activities. Discussing meaningful issues. Challenging my mind in incredible ways. Becoming the person I want to be. Living away from home.

Surprisingly I have actually, truly happened to enjoy most of these aforementioned descriptions at the UW in this past week. My brain has been stimulated for the first time in so many years. My skin was tingled by the rare sunshine and the cool mist of the Emerald City. I was surrounded by new faces. The architecture really inspired me. The city has been a fantastic adventure. I will really have opportunity here. I can really be inspired here.

I have to just free myself from all the preconceptions that prevent me from truly thriving in my environment. I don't need to be in California to really find my true self and live the life I dream. There are challenges here, but they don't compare to the challenges I would face in all the debt of all the other choices or the struggles of leaving so soon. I really will never know how different my life would be if I had the option to go somewhere else for college, but I really don't.

Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to really accept what we receive in life. Things will change. Craziness will result. If I can just adapt and be the pliant palm in this unlikely location I can truly thrive anywhere. All this challenge will help me grow in my life, I just know it. I will trust in God.

"Signs of Life" - Andrew Belle