University of Washington Class of 2014

This is it. Decision day.

My format for the future four years has been determined. This is it. I have worked hard for these past four years to go to college. And I made my choice.

My dream has always been Berkeley. I applied so many other places: Occidental, George Washington, American, New York University, Columbia, Stanford, UC San Diego, UW.

Stanford rejected me. Columbia waitlisted me. UC San Diego was eliminated quickly as my California back up after Berkeley accepted me. NYU was too expensive and crazy for me. American didn't offer me the academic caliber I was hoping for. Occidental was just too small and isolated for all it had to offer.

GWU was a surprisingly interesting school. I still think it would have been an excellent choice. But the wariness of the increasing tuition, the distance, and the general vibe of politics deterred me. I just didn't fit in in the way I was amazed at Berkeley.

Thus I was left with the two I had always thought it would come down to. UC Berkeley and UW.

I chose UW.

I talked to my aunt last night. She had a much starker choice. She didn't have the money at all, but she did get into Stanford and Berkeley. However she went to University of Hawaii. While it is a good school, it is nowhere near the prestige of UW. She did regret letting go of those other schools, and still wonders every once in a while if it would have made a difference. But she is so happy with her life. Perhaps things would have been different with a different college, but college is 90% determined by a person himself. She lives happily in San Diego working at the Children's Hospital. She has a house with a spectacular view and a loving family. She often travels. She lives with meaning, doing what she loves. And she has no debt after all that medical school.

I talked a lot to my friends. Yes, they wanted me to go to Berkeley. I had whined about it for so long. When you want something really badly, I always believe you should go for it. But how can I just go for a dream when it will have a huge impact on my family? I have taken some risks in my life like running for class president or applying for my job. Often these risks have taught me a lot, but I haven't necessarily enjoyed the experience.
I believe I am a year or two late. I am just not ready to go to Berkeley right now. I would love to go, but I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would drown, both in the debt and the stress. I have learned a lot recently, but there is so much I need to learn before I go to the school and life of my dreams.

Alas, why isn't UW my dream? Mostly I just feel so unfulfilled because I have wanted to fit in with that crowd of overachievers since elementary school. I have always been used to this image of me going to some crazy school of my dreams. UW is where other people are going. No, it is not particularly unique. No, it is not particularly inspiring. But it is what I have at the moment.

The last few years have been incredibly challenging. I have not had things go my way. College, no matter where I go, will not fix my problems. Only my own volition can lead my life the direction I yearn for.

Of course I will have some regret. I have wanted Berkeley so badly for so long. But I also want to go to grad school, particularly in Berkeley. UW doesn't offer me the instant gratification of Berkeley, but it sure does have a lot to offer.

I hope to wake up tomorrow and finally open my eyes to the magic of reality. Life is magical realism. Crazy things happen in every day moments. I am going to one of the best schools in the country at a bargain. I am living in the land of trees, Starbucks, and airplanes. I have mountains, ocean, and the occasional, but brilliant sunny day. I have so many opportunities to study abroad. My family is unburdened by debt. I am rooming with a good friend and I will have a strong support network of friendships. I will have so many adventures. I will have so many classes to take. I will meet so many diverse and exciting people. I will protest. I have a beautiful campus. Next year will have opportunities abound and all I can do is gobble them up!

So yes, there will always be that part of me that will wonder how my life would be different at Berkeley. Yes, the adventures there would be pretty cool. But all that I am missing I can get in either a vacation or going to UW, but without the $170k in debt. Can you think of how many trips and adventures that is right there? It's a lot.

"Your Ghost" - Greg Laswell