Honestly How

How do you have confidence?
How do you have the self-assuredness to be honest with yourself, to be honest with the world?

I wish I knew how to do this. I wish I really did. I wish I could understand this world. I wish I wasn't made this way. I wish I could be normal like everyone else. I wish it could be easier. I wish my problem's felt more legitimate because they are so incredibly lame. I feel so pathetic. I am not sick. I am not mentally unstable. I am not injured. I am not rejected from life. I am not rejected from God. I just don't fit in with this stupid society.

It makes me feel so messed up. It makes me feel so worthless. It makes me feel like I can never follow my dreams. Do I even deserve to dream?

I still really don't know. I know that everything I am must be right. But everyone and everything in this society tells me that I am not normal. How can I be okay when the rest of the world disagrees? What am I supposed to do? I wish I could just satisfy the rest of this world, but I can't.

What do you believe in?

I believe in love. I believe in being yourself. I believe in finding God within your heart. I believe in nature. I believe in God. I believe in hope. I believe in prayer. I believe in spontaneity. I believe in life. I believe in myself.

But I feel so much that doesn't fit with what I believe in. I feel so much hatred of myself. I feel so much shame. I feel so much bitterness toward God. I feel so little love. I feel so lost.

Yet I know that in the end that God made me the way I was meant to be created. God wouldn't create people this way if they were messed up. Aren't we all created from God's image? Aren't we all children of God? God must surely make us the way we are because that is how it is meant to be. At least I hope so.

"In Your Sleep" - Andrew Belle