An Insane Week

This week was so crazy.

My birthday was a wonderful evening in many ways, but I was so exhausted from last week. I enjoyed my dinner and frozen yogurt, but it wasn't as delicious as before. I think I need to stop eating so much good food and spend less money, eating more nutritious, but less amazing food normally, saving the moolah for the special nights and splendid meals. It is weird being a year older. I feel like I have actually learned a lot this year and grown a lot. I think this next year will open even more doors for me, but they will probably be unexpected for the most part.

The next day I had my party. It was incredibly tiring as I tried desperately to fit the party into my tight definition of impossible perfection. I can be so controlling and it is awful when I try to plan a party that is enjoyable for everyone. Still it was an enjoyable event, and I believe that most people enjoyed their time there making me pleased. But I have learned my lesson that there is only so much I can do to make a party a wonderful affair and I have to also enjoy the time myself.

After that craziness I dressed up as an octopus at the green festival when I volunteered for People for Puget Sound. It was my first time volunteering in months and it was quite marvelous to interact with so many different people and encourage people to care more about the beautiful and rich Puget Sound. It was refreshing to do something I truly care about.

I had a lovely coffee talk with my good friend and finally had some closure about a lot of different stuff that we had shared and dealt with. It was a good conversation and though I feel we have gone our separate ways, I have so much respect and admiration for my friend, all she has gone through and all that she will do in her life. I have incredible hope for her and she really inspired me to keep going for my dreams and stay motivated.

The following day I met up with some other friends I had some estrangement with previously. Nothing blatant, but I always had felt disconnected from these people, while trying desperately to be their friends all of high school. Now I realize that there was nothing special about these folks in particular. I am sure that they are great people, but the superficial traits that awed me like their stellar grades, innate charisma, and seemingly perfect group dynamic were so flawed and unfounded. While they are lovely people I know realize that my constant jealousy of them is so silly. I am my own person and while I am not living like them off in fancy distant colleges, I am finding peace in my life and I have some of the best friends in the world right here in Seattle. Life is fantastic and I wish the best for my friends. We may be on separate paths, but I feel like in the end we all end up at the same place, more confused, more aware, more human, more real, more alive.

Another therapy session went quite well and my therapist encouraged me to deal with all my stresses and anxieties by starting each morning with 30 seconds of thought in a happy place like my winter vacation in San Diego or the beach in Hawaii and many other spectacular and securedly happy moments. This has worked impressively well even when I am utterly sleepy and empty of energy and happiness. I believe it has helped me improve my confidence and restored a sense of peace amidst all the craziness and imbalance of the past week.

I had an interview for an internship and it went pretty well; I actually got my internship! I was so thrilled to have finally gotten something that I had worked for. I think it symbolizes the transformation of my life. I have become more organized, but also more aware of myself, more human, and more confident. All of these pieces helped me overcome fears like talking on the phone, interviewing, or turning in an application. These challenges have held me back in so many ways in the past, but I feel like I am turning around. I have so much to learn about life, but adulthood looks like many open doors and hallways are before me.

Today I had an oral interview in Japanese that had beleaguered me all week. It was not perfect, but it went better than I expected. I was thrilled to have finally completed all the stresses of my week. The day continued and the sun did finally come out to my joy. I then had an interesting dinner with my cousin from Texas. She is so different from me, yet a good quarter of our genes are shared quite similarly. She is quite conservative and Christian, monoracial, and from Texas of all places, yet she is only a few years older than me, quite focused and ambitious, and seems to be just as human as anyone. It is wonderful to finally have family in this area, but it is weird in many ways. We have never had family besides ourselves here in the Pacific Northwest. But I am very excited to have someone new here and even though we might have a culture shock between our two very dissimilar identities, we may find more in common than in difference. 


"Straight Lines" - Silverchair