Ups and Downs May be the Spin Values, but There are Other Quantum Variables!

Today I woke up rather exhausted for seemingly no reason, but I had to get going to class and carry out my day. I looked out at the weather and was disappointed by the dreariness. I should be acclimatized to this weather by now, yet I remain just as exasperated by clouds as I always have been. I checked the forecast, and to my dismay the weather prediction for a week ahead was wonderful except the one day I really need excellent weather. Thankfully the prediction was for a decent temperature and overcast skies; something workable for my party planning.

The day was going just fine until I entered my Japanese class. At first things seemed smooth as I took my vocabulary quiz, but I quickly was disheartened by the mediocre score I earned on my previous vocabulary quiz, all my participation in class was marked by significant grammatical errors, and finally my emotions crashed when I saw my score on the page from my midterm. I felt like crying. I am not the best at Japanese, but I am good at school; it is my strongest suit in life. I have worked incredibly hard, especially this year to become an excellent scholar, but I have discovered that even I have certain subjects that are more challenging than others. I don't have as much passion for Japanese as I do for other subjects, and I definitely have less of a consistent passion for it. While I am eager to fully understand the Japanese language, often I am overwhelmed by the other subjects I am studying and I fall back on Japanese because of my strong background knowledge. Unfortunately there comes a point upon which that background knowledge no longer helps, especially in something like Japanese. Unlike other subjects in which my praxis is deep and has undergone extensive moulding, like my geography, reading, math, problem solving, and scientific analysis skills, I am fairly undeveloped in certain fields like language, and especially art, sport, and computer science. Like all people I can definitely learn how to do these things through trial and error, and like all other people I only have time to do so much. There are costs and benefits to devoting time toward practicing certain skills and unfortunately Japanese just does not have as strong of a benefit compared to the other subjects I am practicing. Nevertheless the weakness of my grade on the midterm was too expensive in terms of the transferred study time and I will have to make up for it in a massive restructuring of my study habits in the next few weeks before I take my final and conclude my Japanese learning. Thankfully this midterm was merely eight percent of my grade, and though it has a large impact on my overall grade because it was quite weak, I can blunt its weight through a determined effort, redoubling my focus to conquer this class and solidify my understanding of Japanese. I already began this transformation by attending a CLUE session for Japanese to start the practice. Even though I will never be at a level that satisfies me unless something magical happens, I can work hard to near that point, almost like an asymptote, but hopefully somehow I will break that point and actually reach my goal.

Today was not totally miserable. I had other falling outs like forgetting to do some errand or running behind on errands, but I also managed to complete all of my chemistry homework which gave me hope that I actually understand something. I enjoyed a delicious protein shake and hung out with some friends in my dorm. I ate a deliciously comforting lunch amidst the emotional wreckage of that test. And the sun started to peak out of the sky, just a little. This evening I reminded myself of joy by watching some old Ugly Betty videos and I felt my heart skip a beat with joy as I watched that lovely television show.

Probably the biggest thing today was my Mixed Club meeting. I generally don't feel like they are worthwhile generally, but I realized how complex reality is. I was reminded in my meeting about the unique situation faced by people who are mixed and even though it may seem like there are not that many issues because we have conquered so many different racial issues in America, there remain many struggles and difficulties merely with differences and being multiracial is one of those distinct differences. I love my heritage and while I can say that I have escaped discrimination in many ways because I am mixed and because I am fortunate enough to live in a time and place where racial discrimination is almost nonexistent, there are many problems that exist still and must not be ignored. It reminded me of how in life there is no easy way of thinking about things. We can try to label and categorize different situations, behaviors, or physics, but in the end there are such grand complexities that bewilder even the wisest humans. Look at the simplest of matter, the atom and realize that the electron orbitals are not distinct circular rhythmical patterns, but are more complex orbitals of certain probabilities with not just a top spin and down spin quanta, but also three other charges measuring the momentum of angles, motion, and energy itself. This complex system is the most basic system of our planet, yet even within that basis exists a complex set of physics that most scientists cannot truly understand. Even more intuitive sciences are more dynamic. Look at mutualism, the community ecology concept of positive-positive interactions between species like cleaning shrimp and wide-jawed fish. While this has a working dynamic, the reality shows that if for some reason the fish simply decides to eat the shrimp or the relationship stops working, the mutualism can transform into consumption, parasitism, or competition, all negative relationships for one species or another. Life is complex and that is why I cannot forget to continue to discover and explore the world. As I unpeel one layer of the onion of the world's knowledge I discover more depth and complexity than ever before. The negatives and positives are inconsequential in the larger realm of the universe. There is only room for wonder and inspiration in this grandiose world we live in. 


"Maps" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs