Clarity, Enunciation, Impact

Clarity
Today I drew a rocking chair covered by a wrinkled set of towels in drawing class. As I stepped back to view my artwork, I realized particularly in comparison to the other artists around me, that I was not very clear between my different shades and tones. It reminds me of how I live my life. I tend to be unclear. I don't like to take a side, although I pretend that I like too. I usually live in a state of blended moderation and compromise. And then everything looks gray.

Enunciation
My drawing lacked definition. The lines were not very bold and the details were not eye-catching. And similar to my life, I do not try very hard to define myself. I try to appease the varying personalities and opinions I deal with, but I never really act on my own accord. I seem to be vanishing away.

Impact
The one thing I noticed the most in my drawing was a lack of impact. Nothing that popped. You couldn't see the effort I put in because it was only lackluster. It was not bad, but not great. Not even one detail stood out. I am so faint and cautious. I don't thrust my energy forward and then I have all this time late at night when I am tired, but not tired enough. Even when I exercise I don't give it my all.

I want to do something with my life. I'm so exhausted of being in this state of depressing wandering. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to become better. How can so many other people live with so much happiness? Why can't I? Why don't I have energy anymore? Why?

Maybe it's just me. If I have realized anything I realize that I am not easily contented. I understand why people like the suburbs, but maybe I want the danger and excitement of the city. In the suburbs you don't have to worry about anything, but people worry no matter what. Thus in the suburbs we start to create our own worries, become insane, and end up miserable.

Well, people like me...

"Move Along" All American Rejects

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SQg-TzmAr0

Basically my favorite video ever. And the song is one of my favorites. It just keeps me going when I'm in the doldrums.