Fleeting

Life goes by so quickly. We have so many chances to make mistakes. At least I have made them. I finally finished my drawing class. I learned a lot and my final drawing while not inspirationally beautiful was surprisingly good. Even though I got a B+ or A- I still feel proud that I faced my obstacles and went outside my comfort zone with the drawing class. For once, I accomplished much today. P.E. is also done. I could have probably put more effort into both of these summer courses; I could have kept track of my training or drawn more often. But I didn't. I took the chance. I didn't put all my effort into these classes. Partly because it wasn't that crucial and partly because I wanted to be different.

I could have done a lot more this summer. Now there is only about a week left for me to actually do something. Get a job. Figure out my school plans and senior portraits. Study for the ACT. Write college apps. Read. Accomplish my list of summer goals. Climb mountains. Learn something. Make a difference in the community. I can feel the pressure mounting. I see the days fly by. How can I do it all? Obviously I won't be able to do everything. But I can get a lot done. I have a week, which means I have time to plan this out and still do everything. Make that final push.

For years I have had everything I want. I haven't struggled. My parents have been wonderful to me. I go to a superb school (if only my friends recognized that and would stop complaining about how pitiful how school is compared to Bellevue). I live in a safe community and have a large house with a spacious living space. Life is perfect. But it destroys me. I have been spoiled for so long that I cannot cope with reality and the necessities of my future. I need money. Not at the moment, but I will need it in one year. I need to learn normal things like cooking. I need to be able to handle all the stresses without depending on everyone around me. I need to become more independent.

I see a lot of people whom I aspire to be. But often I compare myself to others and become self-depracating. Although I may not be as amazing as some people I know, I can move towards that ideal. But I always yearn to be exactly and perfectly like that ideal, which is just impossible. I want to be everything so often. Perhaps I need to change my perspective. Listen to the following song and maybe you'll realize my thought process.

"Everything You Want" Vertical Horizon



(by the way, my message has nothing to do with a guy or a girl, it's about the idea of idealizing a perfect individual)