No, today wasn't spectacular by any mention. But I'm happy anyways.
I dislike my seat in Stats, but I am proud of my speech in ASB. I was embarrassed in martial arts, but levelheaded at Kumon. I haven't been particularly productive this evening and even missed a deadline for a project, but at least I had very little homework tonight.
So life wasn't particularly bad or good. So be happy. Even if it seem stupid, enjoy life now because you may not have a chance to enjoy it in the future. I have lamented for so long about my future and about leaving this present life, but if I am constantly worried about the future I will never be happy in the present.
Or perhaps I am reaching that point of happiness. But really I am just realizing how important it is to live for the moment. I'll enjoy this life I am blessed with now. Why not?
"Where is the Love?" - Black Eyed Peas (back when they were good)
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Bravery
I need a little courage. That's all. Tomorrow will be another yucky day. But I will endure. I will do my best at work and if I get fired for trying my best at a 9 dollar an hour job then so be it. If the auction is a miserable failure so be it. If my grades suck on my stats test or my physics midterm so be it. I have to face the onslaught of life. I have to persevere. And not just persevere, but to take it all in stride. I won't just plow through the obstacles, I'll dance, jive, and swim. I'll speak out. I'll stand up for myself. But most importantly I'll have the courage to stand against my internal fears.
Last night I had the most frightful dream. I was sweating all over and freaking out because the moment I entered the auction (dreadfully late for setup) I was met by past ASB members who brought up how badly I was doing compared to previous presidents. And how i was a failure. And then my Kumon boss came up to me to tell me of my failure in addition and somehow my Washington Aerospace Scholar was there too to tell me how poor I was as a leader and how stupid I was.
I know I am smart. I know I can lead. I know I can be great. I've worked hard in life and I know I'm not what these people say. But I also know that I don't handle criticism well. So I guess this is just a wake up call that I need to deal with it calmly instead of sweating it out and accept life. I must believe in myself if I want to ever face life and face my dreams.
"Fearless" - The Bravery
Last night I had the most frightful dream. I was sweating all over and freaking out because the moment I entered the auction (dreadfully late for setup) I was met by past ASB members who brought up how badly I was doing compared to previous presidents. And how i was a failure. And then my Kumon boss came up to me to tell me of my failure in addition and somehow my Washington Aerospace Scholar was there too to tell me how poor I was as a leader and how stupid I was.
I know I am smart. I know I can lead. I know I can be great. I've worked hard in life and I know I'm not what these people say. But I also know that I don't handle criticism well. So I guess this is just a wake up call that I need to deal with it calmly instead of sweating it out and accept life. I must believe in myself if I want to ever face life and face my dreams.
"Fearless" - The Bravery
Precious
"Move Along" - All-American Rejects
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SQg-TzmAr0
Yeah, so I've already put this up, but it's only the intro into this:
Tonight I saw the movie Precious, which I have anticipated since the Summer. It won many awards and I expected something special. Usually when my expectations are high I am slightly disappointed like with District 9, while when my expectations are blank I am quite surprised like with V for Vendetta. This time I was shocked to have actually beaten my high expectations. I was sent on such a roller coaster ride and the emotional turbulence was incredible. I felt like I could feel the pain and feel the struggle of Precious while still being comfortable in my theater seat. It was an odd feeling of connection yet detachment that made it so powerful.
I think the most important theme was that life is life. Throughout the movie we see her go through so much struggle, and I think I am more depressed than she was sometimes. Despite the utter misery of her life, she wasn't dead. She kept moving along. And all the support systems, pluck that had to move her forward. There is no happy ending. But there is a future. And that discontented, unraveled completion of her story struck me. It was so real. I realize that the petty struggles of life are so inconsequential. I realize how we all go up and down and how we just have to accept it. But I also realized that while I am in this state of comfortable living I should enjoy it. I shouldn't worry so much about what people think or what people say because I have food. And I'm not pregnant with my father's child. And life is just generally good.
"Destiny" - Mary J. Blige
The problem in life is that we spend so much time trying to figure out how to be happy. We just have to live and discover happiness within ourselves. There's no panacea. There's no drug.
But there is the human spirit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SQg-TzmAr0
Yeah, so I've already put this up, but it's only the intro into this:
Tonight I saw the movie Precious, which I have anticipated since the Summer. It won many awards and I expected something special. Usually when my expectations are high I am slightly disappointed like with District 9, while when my expectations are blank I am quite surprised like with V for Vendetta. This time I was shocked to have actually beaten my high expectations. I was sent on such a roller coaster ride and the emotional turbulence was incredible. I felt like I could feel the pain and feel the struggle of Precious while still being comfortable in my theater seat. It was an odd feeling of connection yet detachment that made it so powerful.
I think the most important theme was that life is life. Throughout the movie we see her go through so much struggle, and I think I am more depressed than she was sometimes. Despite the utter misery of her life, she wasn't dead. She kept moving along. And all the support systems, pluck that had to move her forward. There is no happy ending. But there is a future. And that discontented, unraveled completion of her story struck me. It was so real. I realize that the petty struggles of life are so inconsequential. I realize how we all go up and down and how we just have to accept it. But I also realized that while I am in this state of comfortable living I should enjoy it. I shouldn't worry so much about what people think or what people say because I have food. And I'm not pregnant with my father's child. And life is just generally good.
"Destiny" - Mary J. Blige
The problem in life is that we spend so much time trying to figure out how to be happy. We just have to live and discover happiness within ourselves. There's no panacea. There's no drug.
But there is the human spirit.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Baby Steps
Small steps. That's all it takes. And then the momentum builds. I've just been running on empty for too long.
Like this video, it seems so tedious to film every moment of a car ride from LA to NY but it was done and it makes for a really cool composition.
Time Lapse: LA to NYC
"Behind" - Lacquer
Like this video, it seems so tedious to film every moment of a car ride from LA to NY but it was done and it makes for a really cool composition.
Time Lapse: LA to NYC
"Behind" - Lacquer
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Writing and Hoping
It's time for me to get it together. It's time for me to combat the chronic stress. It's time for me to end the procrastination. It's time for me to stop being impressed by a song and inspired for one moment. It's time for me to be motivated. It's time for me to handle all I have been offered. It's time for me to accept reality. It's time for me to calm down. It's time for me to be a normal person able to handle the challenges that confront me and take my life in stride.
But I am trapped in the mud. I don't think I can or will rise from my hopelessness and self-pity. I want to be free. I want to live as myself. I want to be the leader and the good friend. I want to go around in society without being an outcast, while still being unique. I want to find the balance, but I feel so out of whack. I want to inspire others and still be inspired. I want to learn so much, but I want to also understand life enough to stand. How, How, HOW! Everyone else seems to get along well enough so easily. They seem to handle it all so well. Why can't I just be like them? Why can't I stop my whining? Why can't I stop freaking out? Why can't I handle it? Why can't I just be accepted?
I am afraid. I am afraid of living as someone who I am not. I am afraid of being the constant outcast who is dreary and incapable of success. I am afraid of being left stuck in the mud. I am afraid that I will always be the loser. I don't know how everyone else does it, but I feel like I am missing the panacea for all my problems. Could it really be that easy? Could there be a solution that I just am oblivious to?
"Turpentine" - Brandi Carlile
"These days we go to waste like wine
That's turned to turpentine
It's six AM and I'm all messed up
I didn't mean to waste your time
So I'll fall back in line
But I'm warning you we're growing up"
Exactly how I feel.
But I am trapped in the mud. I don't think I can or will rise from my hopelessness and self-pity. I want to be free. I want to live as myself. I want to be the leader and the good friend. I want to go around in society without being an outcast, while still being unique. I want to find the balance, but I feel so out of whack. I want to inspire others and still be inspired. I want to learn so much, but I want to also understand life enough to stand. How, How, HOW! Everyone else seems to get along well enough so easily. They seem to handle it all so well. Why can't I just be like them? Why can't I stop my whining? Why can't I stop freaking out? Why can't I handle it? Why can't I just be accepted?
I am afraid. I am afraid of living as someone who I am not. I am afraid of being the constant outcast who is dreary and incapable of success. I am afraid of being left stuck in the mud. I am afraid that I will always be the loser. I don't know how everyone else does it, but I feel like I am missing the panacea for all my problems. Could it really be that easy? Could there be a solution that I just am oblivious to?
"Turpentine" - Brandi Carlile
"These days we go to waste like wine
That's turned to turpentine
It's six AM and I'm all messed up
I didn't mean to waste your time
So I'll fall back in line
But I'm warning you we're growing up"
Exactly how I feel.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanksgiving Eve
Thanksgiving is my favorite non-Jew holiday. I love the food. I love the family gatherings (even though I've never had a real one). I love being gracious.
Today was weird. I feel so out of it. I am alive, but am I really? I feel like I am in a coma sometimes and that I don't even notice all the time that is passing by. But maybe it's because reality and stress have become so inherent in my life that I am drunk on it. I am overwhelmed constantly. I am stressed out every day. I am stressed out every minute. I feel it in my mind. I feel it in my hands. I feel the nervous energy running down my spine. I feel it when talking to even my closest friends. I worry, I freak out, I don't seem to be able to control myself.
I live in fear. I live in fear of failure. I am afraid of speaking in class because I don't want to make any mistakes. I am afraid of being friends with people because I don't want to fail them. I am afraid of just doing things because I don't believe I can.
I keep asking myself that perhaps I am just flat out unintelligent. I mean I can't really solve complex problems without help from others; I'm just really good at gathering all that information other's teach me and spitting it back out. I'm slow at learning and slow just generally. At work I fear the wrath of my boss and her threats to replace the workers who are too slow and inaccurate. I fear the martial arts instructor bogging down on me for not understanding the form. Or the parents for bad grades in Stats. Or the class council for my laziness leading the auction. Or just the entire world for being me.
I know that I am supposed to challenge myself to be who I want to be, but sometimes I feel like every time I challenge myself I become even more miserable. I am not reaping the benefits of these challenges at all. They just weigh down on me. I need to get past the immediate emotions, but I don't find fulfillment anywhere anymore. I don't even know what drives me really. Why do I work at a place I hate? Or do activities that burden me? Why do I avoid social activities for college apps? I set myself up for this path, but do I really need to do so?
Pathetic: that's how I feel. Hopelessly pathetic.
I'm on a train going 100 mph and I ran off the tracks years ago, but I never stopped to look where I was going. Sometimes I wish I could start all over. I could have tried that much harder in freshman year. I could have tried that much harder last first semester. I could have opened my mind earlier in my life. Could it be that I am just a lower species compared to the rest of the human race? Do I really belong with everyone else? Or am I truly inferior?
That's it, I'm really just lost and confused.
I am thankful for the ability to even think about these things. I think I am overthinking it all, but I wouldn't know unless I had pen and paper or this wonderful macbook.
"Here Goes Nothing" - Never Shout Never
Today was weird. I feel so out of it. I am alive, but am I really? I feel like I am in a coma sometimes and that I don't even notice all the time that is passing by. But maybe it's because reality and stress have become so inherent in my life that I am drunk on it. I am overwhelmed constantly. I am stressed out every day. I am stressed out every minute. I feel it in my mind. I feel it in my hands. I feel the nervous energy running down my spine. I feel it when talking to even my closest friends. I worry, I freak out, I don't seem to be able to control myself.
I live in fear. I live in fear of failure. I am afraid of speaking in class because I don't want to make any mistakes. I am afraid of being friends with people because I don't want to fail them. I am afraid of just doing things because I don't believe I can.
I keep asking myself that perhaps I am just flat out unintelligent. I mean I can't really solve complex problems without help from others; I'm just really good at gathering all that information other's teach me and spitting it back out. I'm slow at learning and slow just generally. At work I fear the wrath of my boss and her threats to replace the workers who are too slow and inaccurate. I fear the martial arts instructor bogging down on me for not understanding the form. Or the parents for bad grades in Stats. Or the class council for my laziness leading the auction. Or just the entire world for being me.
I know that I am supposed to challenge myself to be who I want to be, but sometimes I feel like every time I challenge myself I become even more miserable. I am not reaping the benefits of these challenges at all. They just weigh down on me. I need to get past the immediate emotions, but I don't find fulfillment anywhere anymore. I don't even know what drives me really. Why do I work at a place I hate? Or do activities that burden me? Why do I avoid social activities for college apps? I set myself up for this path, but do I really need to do so?
Pathetic: that's how I feel. Hopelessly pathetic.
I'm on a train going 100 mph and I ran off the tracks years ago, but I never stopped to look where I was going. Sometimes I wish I could start all over. I could have tried that much harder in freshman year. I could have tried that much harder last first semester. I could have opened my mind earlier in my life. Could it be that I am just a lower species compared to the rest of the human race? Do I really belong with everyone else? Or am I truly inferior?
That's it, I'm really just lost and confused.
I am thankful for the ability to even think about these things. I think I am overthinking it all, but I wouldn't know unless I had pen and paper or this wonderful macbook.
"Here Goes Nothing" - Never Shout Never
Monday, November 23, 2009
What's the point?
After finishing Frankenstein, I realize how important it is to prevent emotions, uncheked ambition, and isolation from overtaking one's life. I hope to never become so self-centered that I forget a greater purpose in the world. The best thing to do is to put yourself out there, fearlessly facing the world and being as awesome as I can be. I won't be perfect, but I can do my best to be myself.
Identity: who am I? What am I? Where do I fit in? I still don't know the answers, but I continue to keep an open-mind and search for the greater meaning of life. God, thank you for this great world we live in. I continue to stretch my mind, learn more, and be more than I ever expected!
"Industry" - Jon McLaughlin
Can I face the real world? Can I fit in with society and still be unique? Live in inspiration. Tomorrow will be difficult; tomorrow can also be fantastic: it's all about outlook. Face the fears. Face the realities.
And never stop dreaming.
Identity: who am I? What am I? Where do I fit in? I still don't know the answers, but I continue to keep an open-mind and search for the greater meaning of life. God, thank you for this great world we live in. I continue to stretch my mind, learn more, and be more than I ever expected!
"Industry" - Jon McLaughlin
Can I face the real world? Can I fit in with society and still be unique? Live in inspiration. Tomorrow will be difficult; tomorrow can also be fantastic: it's all about outlook. Face the fears. Face the realities.
And never stop dreaming.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Luck
Sometimes I wish I were lucky. This weekend I discovered that a few of the people I knew from middle school were doing spectacularly at our rival high school. I felt slightly jealous and wondered if going to Skyline would have raised my GPA or class rank because it is competitive. I wonder if I could have been more successful going to an indoor school and being a complete nerd at a school where I could not have been distracted by leadership and relationships and music.
But then I realize that it is all in perspective. I really am lucky. I have amazing friends and so little drama compared to what happens spending ten minutes with my old friends who go to Skyline now. I am happy that I stepped outside my shell to do ASB. I am proud to have done all the activities I have done for not a purely ambitious purpose. In fact I'm proud I'm not that ambitious, because it has forced me to find motivation for more meaningful reasons. And I always question my ambition at Issaquah so that I don't end up like Macbeth.
Either school would have provided me a similar experience. But God guided me to this point. I don't see why he would have led me to such a competitive group of students other than to teach me a lesson about perspective.
Patience. Perspective. Positivity. 3 Ps for my week!
All leading up to Precious!!!!!!
Yeah I'm obsessed with Owl City on late nights doing homework. But it is sooooo stress relieving. It's interesting to think that I am probably only at the tip of my potential and wisdom. I'm excited for how much more I can learn, mature, and live.
But then I realize that it is all in perspective. I really am lucky. I have amazing friends and so little drama compared to what happens spending ten minutes with my old friends who go to Skyline now. I am happy that I stepped outside my shell to do ASB. I am proud to have done all the activities I have done for not a purely ambitious purpose. In fact I'm proud I'm not that ambitious, because it has forced me to find motivation for more meaningful reasons. And I always question my ambition at Issaquah so that I don't end up like Macbeth.
Either school would have provided me a similar experience. But God guided me to this point. I don't see why he would have led me to such a competitive group of students other than to teach me a lesson about perspective.
Patience. Perspective. Positivity. 3 Ps for my week!
All leading up to Precious!!!!!!
"The Tip of the Iceberg" - Owl City
Yeah I'm obsessed with Owl City on late nights doing homework. But it is sooooo stress relieving. It's interesting to think that I am probably only at the tip of my potential and wisdom. I'm excited for how much more I can learn, mature, and live.
Friday, November 20, 2009
One step forward
It is so relieving to feel accomplished. I finally submitted an application to a university and I never expected it to be so rushed and sudden, but it happened. And I do not doubt that I worked hard on it. It probably wasn't my best product, but I have learned so much through this application process and I am prepared to go on to my seven other schools. The applications are actually not that horrible, and with my recent focus and motivation I feel invigorated to get things done. I have a very busy next few weeks but I am so excited for my mini-break next week and to see Precious.
One step forward, many more to go. But for once I have done something. I hope I got in! UW sounds so exciting!! I'm surprised at how much I really love it the more I visit... I think I'll like any college I go to. For some reason I'm getting over the weather. And I'm caring less about all the trivial things. But I am appreciating what I have.
So excited to go debate tomorrow. I hope I can sway people toward my side (I'm fighting for a double negative... how weird is that?) and maybe even win best speaker for once. And I get to present some chapter activism ideas. My excitement is flourishing! Life is wonderful and although I make tons of mistakes, I am so ready to face the challenges and move forward.
College. Auction. JSA. Work. There's so much. But life is here. Life is now. And life is amazing.
"Don't Upset the Rhythm" - Noisettes
gotta love Zimbabweans.
One step forward, many more to go. But for once I have done something. I hope I got in! UW sounds so exciting!! I'm surprised at how much I really love it the more I visit... I think I'll like any college I go to. For some reason I'm getting over the weather. And I'm caring less about all the trivial things. But I am appreciating what I have.
So excited to go debate tomorrow. I hope I can sway people toward my side (I'm fighting for a double negative... how weird is that?) and maybe even win best speaker for once. And I get to present some chapter activism ideas. My excitement is flourishing! Life is wonderful and although I make tons of mistakes, I am so ready to face the challenges and move forward.
College. Auction. JSA. Work. There's so much. But life is here. Life is now. And life is amazing.
"Don't Upset the Rhythm" - Noisettes
gotta love Zimbabweans.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Why Dream
I live for the smiles. I live for the laughs. I live for the changes I make in people's lives. I live for the impact I make on the world. I believe in action. I believe in social change. I believe in standing up for what I believe in. I care. I love this planet. I love the people on this planet. I love bringing joy to people.
I don't want to sound like I am godly somehow or selfless because in reality my expectations and goals never reach the level I yearn for. In fact all this time I spend whining about my failures and struggles just reveals how weak I really am. But I do the things I do so that I can find fulfillment. And I know I will only be happy with myself if I am serving others and improving the lives of others. There is only temporary fulfillment in parties, comfort food, and ice skating. But when I help someone else I feel overjoyed, and I feel motivated. I think we all do things for ourselves, so I admit that I am a selfish person. Hopefully I can live beyond my self-interest.
I live for the moments when I can make someone's day better. I live for the dirt in my hands when I plant a tree or when I hug one. I live for the sense of fulfillment when I have accomplished a fundraiser or when I have helped someone with their studies. I live for that joy of the Kumon child who has pure fun in my presence.
I need to keep my dream in mind. Because if I am constantly reminded of my dream I feel the motivation running through my veins. I have so much excitement inconsistently and unproductively; I should probably just get more sleep and exercise. However I think my point is that if we can believe in our dreams and live for them we can live. Or we can be satisfied with life as it is. I prefer the less pleasant route.
"Shooting Star" - Air Traffic
I don't want to sound like I am godly somehow or selfless because in reality my expectations and goals never reach the level I yearn for. In fact all this time I spend whining about my failures and struggles just reveals how weak I really am. But I do the things I do so that I can find fulfillment. And I know I will only be happy with myself if I am serving others and improving the lives of others. There is only temporary fulfillment in parties, comfort food, and ice skating. But when I help someone else I feel overjoyed, and I feel motivated. I think we all do things for ourselves, so I admit that I am a selfish person. Hopefully I can live beyond my self-interest.
I live for the moments when I can make someone's day better. I live for the dirt in my hands when I plant a tree or when I hug one. I live for the sense of fulfillment when I have accomplished a fundraiser or when I have helped someone with their studies. I live for that joy of the Kumon child who has pure fun in my presence.
I need to keep my dream in mind. Because if I am constantly reminded of my dream I feel the motivation running through my veins. I have so much excitement inconsistently and unproductively; I should probably just get more sleep and exercise. However I think my point is that if we can believe in our dreams and live for them we can live. Or we can be satisfied with life as it is. I prefer the less pleasant route.
"Shooting Star" - Air Traffic
Monday, November 16, 2009
Connect
I am supposed to connect to the audience in my college app essays. The admissions counselors searching for a unique individual who would be a good fit for the school. What is that supposed to mean? How do I convey my entire life and passion for a college in less than 500 words? How do I tell UW how badly I want to participate in the opportunities offered by the honors college without sounding desperate? How do I show the University of California that my dream is to sit beneath the eucalyptus and make a difference under the glorious sun when I only have 1000 words and they are currently all bragging about my talents. I need to find a way to use my time wisely to focus on these apps, but I have no idea how I can better show these colleges the reason I want to go. They are so crucial to my entrance, but I feel like they do not show my love of life, activism, social change, and the environment. Maybe I'm not the person I think I am.
I feel like I am a communication failure. How on earth can other people communicate so well? I am the slowest texter on Earth. I freak out so easily and show it so often. I have lost all my reputation through my disreputable unreliability and innumerable mistakes that I never seem to learn from. Maybe I have ADD or something. Or some crippling mental disorder that makes me overemotional, irrational, and impossible to communicate with. I try so hard to be my ideal, but I never seem to show the side of me I want people to know about. I seem to screw everything up.
I wish I could put a smile on my face and feel better about myself. But maybe I don't want to feel better about myself. I wish I could just change. I feel so selfish and miserable, yet my life is so wonderful. I have a living and healthy family. I live a posh lifestyle in the suburbs. I haven't gone through much suffering. I have been so afraid to look out at the world and take risks until recently. And now that I am taking so much risk, I feel engulfed, but I haven't had a chance to reflect on all the new opportunities that have occurred in my life.
There is no easy route. In fact I had a bit of a realization today while "tutoring" at Kumon. After all those packets that some kids do I realized how satisfying it can be to get through the slog and complete the goal. And as miserable as a Kumon math or reading packet may be, to get through it, to persevere and to last to feel that emotion of fulfillment is powerful. Even if my college apps are filled with imperfections (perhaps that's who I am) I want them to know the real me and I want to just have that feeling of submitted.
And then I hope that I can be accepted.
Dreams. Life for them. Die for them. And be them.
Gattaca
I feel like I am a communication failure. How on earth can other people communicate so well? I am the slowest texter on Earth. I freak out so easily and show it so often. I have lost all my reputation through my disreputable unreliability and innumerable mistakes that I never seem to learn from. Maybe I have ADD or something. Or some crippling mental disorder that makes me overemotional, irrational, and impossible to communicate with. I try so hard to be my ideal, but I never seem to show the side of me I want people to know about. I seem to screw everything up.
I wish I could put a smile on my face and feel better about myself. But maybe I don't want to feel better about myself. I wish I could just change. I feel so selfish and miserable, yet my life is so wonderful. I have a living and healthy family. I live a posh lifestyle in the suburbs. I haven't gone through much suffering. I have been so afraid to look out at the world and take risks until recently. And now that I am taking so much risk, I feel engulfed, but I haven't had a chance to reflect on all the new opportunities that have occurred in my life.
There is no easy route. In fact I had a bit of a realization today while "tutoring" at Kumon. After all those packets that some kids do I realized how satisfying it can be to get through the slog and complete the goal. And as miserable as a Kumon math or reading packet may be, to get through it, to persevere and to last to feel that emotion of fulfillment is powerful. Even if my college apps are filled with imperfections (perhaps that's who I am) I want them to know the real me and I want to just have that feeling of submitted.
And then I hope that I can be accepted.
Dreams. Life for them. Die for them. And be them.
Gattaca
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Bubbles within Bubbles
I hate the bubble I live in. I am so closed-minded sometimes. I really didn't want to go to the UW, but I recently looked at the UW Honors program course listing and the programs they are involved in and I was amazed. I don't know why I have overlooked this nearby school for so long with such great programs. I only have 15 days now to perfect all my essays for this school and I hope I can get in to their honors program. The faculty, programs, options, students all pique my interest. Ah... what a sad fact in life when we overlook what is right beneath our noses.
In my little suburb, there is an amazing closed-mindedness. We assume that highly ranked schools like Stanford and Columbia are the places to be, and that anything lesser is unacceptable. I feel miserable trapped in this box. And I become like those around me, justifying the competitive attitudes and rankings for reasons like nobel laureate staff. I despise myself sometimes. UW isn't all that badly ranked and I just looked down upon it because everyone around me did. For once I need to really stand up against my peers and act as myself. I am going to that info. session on Friday and I am not going to let my peers hold me back!
Live outside of the stupid bubble. It's when we are so closed-minded that we can't understand concepts like health care reform or gay rights that we become lesser people. Or when we become so closed-minded that we won't listen to the other side's views and just base life off assumptions. We all need to stop and think about how we lead our lives. It isn't about winning. It isn't about being the best. It isn't about money. Or fame. I think it's about finding fulfillment and happiness, but I will keep an open-mind that will hopefully open me to other possibilities. Sometimes what we are searching for all our lives is right there in front of us, but other times we have to work arduously for our dreams. Either way, anyway, we just need to appreciate life and keep it all in perspective.
Life is awesome. Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to go to college.
"My Happy Ending" - Avril Lavigne
so what it's avril lavigne. She's from Napanee. Go Canada.
In my little suburb, there is an amazing closed-mindedness. We assume that highly ranked schools like Stanford and Columbia are the places to be, and that anything lesser is unacceptable. I feel miserable trapped in this box. And I become like those around me, justifying the competitive attitudes and rankings for reasons like nobel laureate staff. I despise myself sometimes. UW isn't all that badly ranked and I just looked down upon it because everyone around me did. For once I need to really stand up against my peers and act as myself. I am going to that info. session on Friday and I am not going to let my peers hold me back!
Live outside of the stupid bubble. It's when we are so closed-minded that we can't understand concepts like health care reform or gay rights that we become lesser people. Or when we become so closed-minded that we won't listen to the other side's views and just base life off assumptions. We all need to stop and think about how we lead our lives. It isn't about winning. It isn't about being the best. It isn't about money. Or fame. I think it's about finding fulfillment and happiness, but I will keep an open-mind that will hopefully open me to other possibilities. Sometimes what we are searching for all our lives is right there in front of us, but other times we have to work arduously for our dreams. Either way, anyway, we just need to appreciate life and keep it all in perspective.
Life is awesome. Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to go to college.
"My Happy Ending" - Avril Lavigne
so what it's avril lavigne. She's from Napanee. Go Canada.
Friday, November 13, 2009
You Gotta Believe
Life sucks. I was so sleepy today, and I will barely be awake tomorrow. I had some simple goals for college stuff today, but lassitude and sluggishness inhibited me; I was even falling asleep through the nightly news!
I am so behind, and I was determined to get ahead. I am faltering so greatly and I am feeling the pressure so intensely, but I feel some smidgen of hope ahead. I mean I know I can do it, but I just need to put forth the effort to manage my time, sleep, exercise, eating, and everything else in a way that will enable me to do all I want to the fullest. But this month I have limited my priorities: college apps (specifically uw and uc) and auction. I cannot get overwhelmed by everything else. Yes, there is work, temple, and school, but I need to do those two other things as well. Every other thing needs to sink away at the moment, and I even need to cut back a bit on school, work, temple, and health because I have fallen behind so much.
And this tumultuous time is ridiculously painful. I don't want to do anything at times and I live in constant fear of what ifs and procrastination. I am fatally behind, and I need to catch up; most of the time I feel like it is impossible. But I keep telling myself: "You gotta believe," like in the song by The Rocket Summer.
"You Gotta Believe" - The Rocket Summer
With all the upbeat rhythms and sounds, I just can't help but feel like believing. And if I can believe in myself and lose the doubts that hold me back so fervently, I can succeed, and feel confident.
I am so behind, and I was determined to get ahead. I am faltering so greatly and I am feeling the pressure so intensely, but I feel some smidgen of hope ahead. I mean I know I can do it, but I just need to put forth the effort to manage my time, sleep, exercise, eating, and everything else in a way that will enable me to do all I want to the fullest. But this month I have limited my priorities: college apps (specifically uw and uc) and auction. I cannot get overwhelmed by everything else. Yes, there is work, temple, and school, but I need to do those two other things as well. Every other thing needs to sink away at the moment, and I even need to cut back a bit on school, work, temple, and health because I have fallen behind so much.
And this tumultuous time is ridiculously painful. I don't want to do anything at times and I live in constant fear of what ifs and procrastination. I am fatally behind, and I need to catch up; most of the time I feel like it is impossible. But I keep telling myself: "You gotta believe," like in the song by The Rocket Summer.
"You Gotta Believe" - The Rocket Summer
With all the upbeat rhythms and sounds, I just can't help but feel like believing. And if I can believe in myself and lose the doubts that hold me back so fervently, I can succeed, and feel confident.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Where would I wish to wake up tomorrow?
My life is such a mess, and I feel so messed up because I am so behind on everything. I have spent so much time whining and worrying that I haven't gotten my life together. I am behind on everything. I've had that UW app opened since summer, and now it is close to the deadline. I have so much homework that I could have worked on today, but instead I slept so much and got distracted with tv. My grades are faltering, my auction is not going as planned, my college plans are falling apart, my friendships are fraying, my family is stressful, and my self-esteem is bleak. I feel like my dreams are falling like hard brick on to my toes.
I feel like I have gone downhill, doing so much that I have actually managed to do less. And I don't know how to get back on the treadmill of life, being the productive, motivated person I once was. I feel so hopeless, and I don't want people to know, but I sort of let it out through my constant complaining and depressive mood swings. I just want to be a more carefree person who can actually get focused when I need to be. I just want that positive upswing in my life. I don't need help, and I don't need people to do things for me. I don't need good in my life; I just want some way of becoming more positive, hopeful, and motivated.
Music is a temporary relief, but then it becomes an addictive distraction. Same with sporcle, facebook, and my atlases (yes, I'm weird). Hanging with friends helps my self-esteem, but then my unproductivity makes me feel lazy and miserable. I just need to stop looking at things so emotionally and negatively, but how do I stop having all the emotions!!!!!!!??????
Why are some people so capable of halting and shutting off their emotions? Why can't I? Why can't I stop letting my emotions take over me? Why can't I focus and accomplish my dreams like everyone else? Why can't I be... perfect. wow, sudden realization.
I guess I just need to accept it, that I'm not going to be able to handle everything, and that I don't need to be perfect. And instead of freaking out and letting all the worries build like a giant avalanche, I just need to remember that it's okay to fall a bit, but then to rediscover that purpose I have established for myself. If only I could remember my dreams better!
Fifty People, One Question - Brooklyn, NY
Some perspective, and some hope.
I feel like I have gone downhill, doing so much that I have actually managed to do less. And I don't know how to get back on the treadmill of life, being the productive, motivated person I once was. I feel so hopeless, and I don't want people to know, but I sort of let it out through my constant complaining and depressive mood swings. I just want to be a more carefree person who can actually get focused when I need to be. I just want that positive upswing in my life. I don't need help, and I don't need people to do things for me. I don't need good in my life; I just want some way of becoming more positive, hopeful, and motivated.
Music is a temporary relief, but then it becomes an addictive distraction. Same with sporcle, facebook, and my atlases (yes, I'm weird). Hanging with friends helps my self-esteem, but then my unproductivity makes me feel lazy and miserable. I just need to stop looking at things so emotionally and negatively, but how do I stop having all the emotions!!!!!!!??????
Why are some people so capable of halting and shutting off their emotions? Why can't I? Why can't I stop letting my emotions take over me? Why can't I focus and accomplish my dreams like everyone else? Why can't I be... perfect. wow, sudden realization.
I guess I just need to accept it, that I'm not going to be able to handle everything, and that I don't need to be perfect. And instead of freaking out and letting all the worries build like a giant avalanche, I just need to remember that it's okay to fall a bit, but then to rediscover that purpose I have established for myself. If only I could remember my dreams better!
Fifty People, One Question - Brooklyn, NY
Some perspective, and some hope.
Dirt
I need to entrench my hands within soil. I need to plant some trees. I need to be amongst nature.
I need to be in the bright lights of the city. I need to explore culture. I need to eat amazing food. I need to meet incredible people. I need to relax beneath the park trees. I need the sound of traffic outside my room.
I NEED to LEAVE my computer. I need to leave the virtual prison of distraction known as the Internet. I need to stop succumbing to the ease of computer diversion. I need to stop losing focus. I need to stop being unmotivated. I need to stop being depressed.
As long as I am here in the suburbs I feel gross, wrong, and miserable. I can't stand the people and the culture here. I can't stand the fake countenances of the workers or the triviality of the worries. I need to get outta here and into the real world.
I wonder if there is a real world outside of the suburbs even. I wouldn't know.
"Dance in the Dark" - Lady Gaga
I need to be in the bright lights of the city. I need to explore culture. I need to eat amazing food. I need to meet incredible people. I need to relax beneath the park trees. I need the sound of traffic outside my room.
I NEED to LEAVE my computer. I need to leave the virtual prison of distraction known as the Internet. I need to stop succumbing to the ease of computer diversion. I need to stop losing focus. I need to stop being unmotivated. I need to stop being depressed.
As long as I am here in the suburbs I feel gross, wrong, and miserable. I can't stand the people and the culture here. I can't stand the fake countenances of the workers or the triviality of the worries. I need to get outta here and into the real world.
I wonder if there is a real world outside of the suburbs even. I wouldn't know.
"Dance in the Dark" - Lady Gaga
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Put the Past Away
I think I am closing a door. The door of past frustrations and stresses. Yes, I basically procrastinated a lot, but I also spent a lot of time this weekend getting the necessary stuff done. Tomorrow will be hectic, but I will not allow it to drive me insane. I am slightly afraid to take my Stats test, but I have grown to just focus on the goal instead of letting the journey scare me. And for the less frightful journeys, I am learning to enjoy it.
Yes, tomorrow will be crazy, but I think I can handle it. Sort of. But if I could handle it I wouldn't be me. I am going somewhere with my life.
"Jumper" - Third Eye Blind
Yes, tomorrow will be crazy, but I think I can handle it. Sort of. But if I could handle it I wouldn't be me. I am going somewhere with my life.
"Jumper" - Third Eye Blind
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Appreciating Autumn
Fall has always been a season of depression for me. Not as bad as winter, but pretty miserable. Until this year. This year, I made a conscious effort to change. I have allowed the weather to wear me down, and while I still would prefer sunshine, I am appreciating the crisp chill of autumn and the splendor of all the colors. I am loving the thunder and lightning. I am thrilled by the winds that rush along my face like cattails along my skin. I guess I am learning to appreciate life and reality for what it is.
Today I actually got two essay drafts completed. And I think I might actually get some homework done and a reasonably amount of sleep. I am very imperfect, but I am learning to deal with my imperfections, and the realities. I am accepting who I am and realizing that conforming to the standards of the world may not necessarily be what is best for me at the time. I have always wanted to go to a place like Columbia or Stanford just because the reputation is wonderful, but after reading several reviews of these universities, I will be perfectly happy spending less money at UW and enjoying my next four years of life learning instead of being caught up in the craziness of those stuck-up schools. I guess what I realized finally is that while I would be a great person in the eyes of others if I went to a school like Columbia, I wouldn't necessarily be having a great life. And I know that I prefer my life to reputation. Of course I would go to one of these fancy schools if money was no object, so I will still try passionately because I really do love these schools for what they are. I just accept the fact that my world will not end if I go to UW.
Reality still has room for dreams. But we can always dream outside of reality.
"Academia" - Sia
Dream.
Today I actually got two essay drafts completed. And I think I might actually get some homework done and a reasonably amount of sleep. I am very imperfect, but I am learning to deal with my imperfections, and the realities. I am accepting who I am and realizing that conforming to the standards of the world may not necessarily be what is best for me at the time. I have always wanted to go to a place like Columbia or Stanford just because the reputation is wonderful, but after reading several reviews of these universities, I will be perfectly happy spending less money at UW and enjoying my next four years of life learning instead of being caught up in the craziness of those stuck-up schools. I guess what I realized finally is that while I would be a great person in the eyes of others if I went to a school like Columbia, I wouldn't necessarily be having a great life. And I know that I prefer my life to reputation. Of course I would go to one of these fancy schools if money was no object, so I will still try passionately because I really do love these schools for what they are. I just accept the fact that my world will not end if I go to UW.
Reality still has room for dreams. But we can always dream outside of reality.
"Academia" - Sia
Dream.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Trapped Within
We are all caught in a trap of fear. It's a net that encapsulates our souls like briny encrustations of barnacles on the pier. Our fears and insecurities cling to us, and unless we cleanse ourselves, we can never be free. These worries always will come back just like the ebb and flow of the tide. But that's how life is meant to be.
I am afraid to miss school. It's important to go to school, but this week I realized that attendance is not as critical as so many other parts of school and life. True, attendance is crucial for meetings and other tantamount affairs, but otherwise health, is a priority, and attendance cannot be a fear. My worries over attendance subsided in the overwhelming fever. 101.9 degrees taught me to be real.
We mostly have perfect lives. Or at least I do in a sense. What I mean is that the fundamental basis of our existence in suburban Issaquah is very similar. We generally have enough money to pay the school fees and lunches, or even go out to eat every once in a while. We often drive to school, when most people in the world cannot afford a single car or even a tank of gas for their families. In all the craziness of college apps, the worries of getting into the top 20 best schools, some kids our age in Appalachia are excited by the prospect of possibly entering community college, and receiving the first high school diploma in their family. The list goes on. We have the basic necessities and more than that. I am blessed to have a loving and accepting family and to live in a community where the education is far more than ample. I don't see violence, pain, or discrimination on a daily basis, so basically my life is relatively perfect.
We worry about so many unnecessary frets. We are afraid. We are afraid of a world more complex than the grades like joining the military, being shot by a sociopath, or dealing with drug dealers on the sidewalk corner. This fear of becoming engulfed in less-than-ideal circumstances becomes channeled into complaints about grades and colleges. Ironically we have become lazy and try the least amount to at scrape ahead of the fear. But most of the lazy can thank god for having given them rich parents, me included.
I am one of the above. Most of us are. And most of us are content with this and go with the flow like the fish in the fishnets. I know some people who aren't trapped entirely, but nobody who is truly free. Those people who can rise above it all and face the world as it is without become Edna Pontellier, will be the presidents, the social shakers, the scientists, and the people who really make a difference. Some people will rise to the occasion to be something close to one of the greats, but only because they have ambition without heart. Those who can manage to deal with all the ambition, all the fear, all the reality, and all the pressure; they are God.
"Locked in a Room" - Oren Lavie
This song sums it up. While what I say seems so easy, we often just end up back in the locked room.
I am afraid to miss school. It's important to go to school, but this week I realized that attendance is not as critical as so many other parts of school and life. True, attendance is crucial for meetings and other tantamount affairs, but otherwise health, is a priority, and attendance cannot be a fear. My worries over attendance subsided in the overwhelming fever. 101.9 degrees taught me to be real.
We mostly have perfect lives. Or at least I do in a sense. What I mean is that the fundamental basis of our existence in suburban Issaquah is very similar. We generally have enough money to pay the school fees and lunches, or even go out to eat every once in a while. We often drive to school, when most people in the world cannot afford a single car or even a tank of gas for their families. In all the craziness of college apps, the worries of getting into the top 20 best schools, some kids our age in Appalachia are excited by the prospect of possibly entering community college, and receiving the first high school diploma in their family. The list goes on. We have the basic necessities and more than that. I am blessed to have a loving and accepting family and to live in a community where the education is far more than ample. I don't see violence, pain, or discrimination on a daily basis, so basically my life is relatively perfect.
We worry about so many unnecessary frets. We are afraid. We are afraid of a world more complex than the grades like joining the military, being shot by a sociopath, or dealing with drug dealers on the sidewalk corner. This fear of becoming engulfed in less-than-ideal circumstances becomes channeled into complaints about grades and colleges. Ironically we have become lazy and try the least amount to at scrape ahead of the fear. But most of the lazy can thank god for having given them rich parents, me included.
I am one of the above. Most of us are. And most of us are content with this and go with the flow like the fish in the fishnets. I know some people who aren't trapped entirely, but nobody who is truly free. Those people who can rise above it all and face the world as it is without become Edna Pontellier, will be the presidents, the social shakers, the scientists, and the people who really make a difference. Some people will rise to the occasion to be something close to one of the greats, but only because they have ambition without heart. Those who can manage to deal with all the ambition, all the fear, all the reality, and all the pressure; they are God.
"Locked in a Room" - Oren Lavie
This song sums it up. While what I say seems so easy, we often just end up back in the locked room.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Illness
Illness seems to be God's message to come back to one's senses. I am a very busy person, but today I just relaxed and sort of enjoyed my day off. I work really hard I guess and I stress myself out so much, thank goodness I haven't gotten Mono or something worse with the stressful impacts on my immune system. Reasonable amounts of stress are good, but I get so stressed out that I debilitate myself.
One of the most valuable things I have learned is the power of focus. If I just get started with what needs to be done, like a college essay or a reading in The Awakening, then I can just keep going. But if I worry about it, procrastinate, distract myself, or more, I just keep getting more worried. The best way to stop the wrong direction is to actual turn around.
I also realized a greater purpose on this Earth. Even if I have a C- in Stats or I am behind on college apps, there are more important things in this world like gay rights. Unfortunately gays do not have the same marriage equality of straight couples and this profoundly disgusts me. After seeing last nights election results in Maine, a liberal and progressive state, I realize how important it is to get out there and make a difference. I know I would be angry if the people voted to ban interracial marriages, so I cannot understand why people would want to ban same-sex marriages except for a clouded belief in old morals. We live in the 21st century and we must start living like it. Does a gay marriage affect you if you are not gay? I think not.
Anyways, done with my rant, I'll show you the video that offered me hope for Maine. Only to be crushed last night by the win of the equal marriage foes.
"Together"
(at least WA passed Ref. 71, but that's not even equal marriage...)
I hope for a world of acceptance. A world of progress. A world where we can work together. And I keep believing that this will happen. This rejection of gay marriage just encourages me to work harder for my dreams.
One of the most valuable things I have learned is the power of focus. If I just get started with what needs to be done, like a college essay or a reading in The Awakening, then I can just keep going. But if I worry about it, procrastinate, distract myself, or more, I just keep getting more worried. The best way to stop the wrong direction is to actual turn around.
I also realized a greater purpose on this Earth. Even if I have a C- in Stats or I am behind on college apps, there are more important things in this world like gay rights. Unfortunately gays do not have the same marriage equality of straight couples and this profoundly disgusts me. After seeing last nights election results in Maine, a liberal and progressive state, I realize how important it is to get out there and make a difference. I know I would be angry if the people voted to ban interracial marriages, so I cannot understand why people would want to ban same-sex marriages except for a clouded belief in old morals. We live in the 21st century and we must start living like it. Does a gay marriage affect you if you are not gay? I think not.
Anyways, done with my rant, I'll show you the video that offered me hope for Maine. Only to be crushed last night by the win of the equal marriage foes.
"Together"
(at least WA passed Ref. 71, but that's not even equal marriage...)
I hope for a world of acceptance. A world of progress. A world where we can work together. And I keep believing that this will happen. This rejection of gay marriage just encourages me to work harder for my dreams.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Asparagus
Perseverence is a virtue. But you can't just survive, you must thrive.
We need emotion in life. We need an open-mind, and open heart, and a willingness to be different. We need to be fearless of change. We need to be fearless of discomfort. We need to have a positive outlook. With these simple standards, we can blossom.
"People are like asparagus." At a JSA election, one person ran unopposed and the nominator gave a speech resembling people to vegetables. But it's so true. We are like plants. If we have the basic necessities, food, sleep, exercise, etc., then we can grow. But through love we can bloom.
So stop inhibiting yourself through your prejudices, fears, and lies. Stop being someone you want everyone else to be. Stop satisfying the other people around you, and live for yourself. I'm not saying we need to ignore all our friends, but we need to stop doing things for fear of breaking some societal obligation. Anyways, we are not exactly like plants. We can control our destiny, not like plants clinging to life towards the sunlight. But we can only do so if we can unroot ourselves from the comfortable soils of preconceived notions, closed-mindedness, and comfort. We must exit our shells of safety.
Humans are not clams. Humans are not plants. Humans are not turtles. We have an amazing ability, a neo-frontal cortex, that makes us different from every other animal. And with this god-given gift, we should not waste it by tarnishing our minds with frivilous fears and petty judgments. Live outside the box, live outside that mindset. Wake up tomorrow and appreciate the gloomy darkness or the bright sunny sky. Go through your day excited for the adventure, disappointed at the C on the test or the argument with the friend, but end your frustrations within that moment. Gather your hope and look at the sky or laugh at a funny moment from the past. Draw a picture, jog a trail, do some yoga. Be different. Be hopeful. Take in the frustration and release it into the winds of the past. And take in the breezes flowing by, accepting the future for what it is, happy to be alive, hopeful for harmony.
It's a long tunnel I have entered, but I have more hope instilled within me than I've had in ages.
"Do You Feel" - The Rocket Summer
We need emotion in life. We need an open-mind, and open heart, and a willingness to be different. We need to be fearless of change. We need to be fearless of discomfort. We need to have a positive outlook. With these simple standards, we can blossom.
"People are like asparagus." At a JSA election, one person ran unopposed and the nominator gave a speech resembling people to vegetables. But it's so true. We are like plants. If we have the basic necessities, food, sleep, exercise, etc., then we can grow. But through love we can bloom.
So stop inhibiting yourself through your prejudices, fears, and lies. Stop being someone you want everyone else to be. Stop satisfying the other people around you, and live for yourself. I'm not saying we need to ignore all our friends, but we need to stop doing things for fear of breaking some societal obligation. Anyways, we are not exactly like plants. We can control our destiny, not like plants clinging to life towards the sunlight. But we can only do so if we can unroot ourselves from the comfortable soils of preconceived notions, closed-mindedness, and comfort. We must exit our shells of safety.
Humans are not clams. Humans are not plants. Humans are not turtles. We have an amazing ability, a neo-frontal cortex, that makes us different from every other animal. And with this god-given gift, we should not waste it by tarnishing our minds with frivilous fears and petty judgments. Live outside the box, live outside that mindset. Wake up tomorrow and appreciate the gloomy darkness or the bright sunny sky. Go through your day excited for the adventure, disappointed at the C on the test or the argument with the friend, but end your frustrations within that moment. Gather your hope and look at the sky or laugh at a funny moment from the past. Draw a picture, jog a trail, do some yoga. Be different. Be hopeful. Take in the frustration and release it into the winds of the past. And take in the breezes flowing by, accepting the future for what it is, happy to be alive, hopeful for harmony.
It's a long tunnel I have entered, but I have more hope instilled within me than I've had in ages.
"Do You Feel" - The Rocket Summer
Sunday, November 1, 2009
OMG November
It's November. I'm doomed. I'm entering the tunnel. I hope there are some holes for sunlight and breathing. But I'll be starving for fun and joy by the time I exit. I hope I survive. But I didn't prepare well for this adventure. So it will be an even more insurmountable challenge.
I love a good challenge, it brings me a smile. :)
"Fuzzy Blue Lights" - Owl City
Me being totally random.
I love a good challenge, it brings me a smile. :)
"Fuzzy Blue Lights" - Owl City
Me being totally random.
A Real Friend
Am I a horrible friend for dumping my stresses on others? Am I a horrible friend for being so self-centered? Am I a horrible friend for allowing my tiredness and frustrations to ruin fun times? Yes, I am.
There are several steps I can take from here.
I can complain about this, and people will usually say, "No, you are a great friend, you care so much about other people; stop saying that."
Or I can sulk even more and ignore people.
I can focus on my schoolwork, college apps, and other goals.
Or I can accept my insecurities, flaws, and mistakes, and move forward.
I am always going to struggle with this. I tend to be sulky, self-centered, self-absorbed, and self-pitying. But I'm not the messiah. However I can always try to be more chipper throughout my day.
The key to all of my goals is: sleep, eat, and exercise, then the rest will come easily.
"じょいふる" ー いきものがかり
"Joyful" - Ikimono Gakari
Some of the weirdest dances I have ever seen. 日本は とても すばらしいねえ。
There are several steps I can take from here.
I can complain about this, and people will usually say, "No, you are a great friend, you care so much about other people; stop saying that."
Or I can sulk even more and ignore people.
I can focus on my schoolwork, college apps, and other goals.
Or I can accept my insecurities, flaws, and mistakes, and move forward.
I am always going to struggle with this. I tend to be sulky, self-centered, self-absorbed, and self-pitying. But I'm not the messiah. However I can always try to be more chipper throughout my day.
The key to all of my goals is: sleep, eat, and exercise, then the rest will come easily.
"じょいふる" ー いきものがかり
"Joyful" - Ikimono Gakari
Some of the weirdest dances I have ever seen. 日本は とても すばらしいねえ。
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