Trapped Within

We are all caught in a trap of fear. It's a net that encapsulates our souls like briny encrustations of barnacles on the pier. Our fears and insecurities cling to us, and unless we cleanse ourselves, we can never be free. These worries always will come back just like the ebb and flow of the tide. But that's how life is meant to be.

I am afraid to miss school. It's important to go to school, but this week I realized that attendance is not as critical as so many other parts of school and life. True, attendance is crucial for meetings and other tantamount affairs, but otherwise health, is a priority, and attendance cannot be a fear. My worries over attendance subsided in the overwhelming fever. 101.9 degrees taught me to be real.

We mostly have perfect lives. Or at least I do in a sense. What I mean is that the fundamental basis of our existence in suburban Issaquah is very similar. We generally have enough money to pay the school fees and lunches, or even go out to eat every once in a while. We often drive to school, when most people in the world cannot afford a single car or even a tank of gas for their families. In all the craziness of college apps, the worries of getting into the top 20 best schools, some kids our age in Appalachia are excited by the prospect of possibly entering community college, and receiving the first high school diploma in their family. The list goes on. We have the basic necessities and more than that. I am blessed to have a loving and accepting family and to live in a community where the education is far more than ample. I don't see violence, pain, or discrimination on a daily basis, so basically my life is relatively perfect.

We worry about so many unnecessary frets. We are afraid. We are afraid of a world more complex than the grades like joining the military, being shot by a sociopath, or dealing with drug dealers on the sidewalk corner. This fear of becoming engulfed in less-than-ideal circumstances becomes channeled into complaints about grades and colleges. Ironically we have become lazy and try the least amount to at scrape ahead of the fear. But most of the lazy can thank god for having given them rich parents, me included.

I am one of the above. Most of us are. And most of us are content with this and go with the flow like the fish in the fishnets. I know some people who aren't trapped entirely, but nobody who is truly free. Those people who can rise above it all and face the world as it is without become Edna Pontellier, will be the presidents, the social shakers, the scientists, and the people who really make a difference. Some people will rise to the occasion to be something close to one of the greats, but only because they have ambition without heart. Those who can manage to deal with all the ambition, all the fear, all the reality, and all the pressure; they are God.

"Locked in a Room" - Oren Lavie



This song sums it up. While what I say seems so easy, we often just end up back in the locked room.