I have lived in this unhappy cycle for so many years. Especially in recent weeks, I have failed myself. This week was easy by most standards, and I accomplished so little. Yet I received very little sleep. I was out of it all week. I was never focused. I couldn't be the person I want to be. I couldn't be happy. I couldn't be a friend.
Tonight I hung out with friends. That's great. But I need to separate myself from the fun in life. I need to focus. I need to get things done. There is so much in life that I will miss if I am constantly tired and behind the tasks. Loners at least have nothing to do but homework, and I am afraid that I cannot handle anything else in my life except the routine. Maybe I can do some scholarships, but unless I get my life back on track I really need to separate from my friends. There are so many greater issues in the world, and unless I figure out how to fix my own issues with dissatisfaction, time management, and unfulfillment I cannot think outside my shell.
People lose so much in this world, but many still have their spirit, dignity, and identity.
I have everything any person needs or really wants, yet I have none of what really matters. I don't have a clear goal. I don't have self-esteem. I don't have any dignity. I don't have a proud identity. I hate myself so much, and until I am well enough to stop sulking in my misery I need to be alone.
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