Starry Eyed

At times I feel like this whole college process is so deceptive. So many people are caught up in the magic and wonder of college, but what's the real point. My parents are always asking me this. As a family we don't even have enough money to pay for the entire four years at an in-state school, but with my input, maybe some scholarships, or a loan it's very feasible.

I am just so disappointed in myself. I mean I wasted an entire application for the University of California because it is impossible for me to afford the 50 grand price tag. I knew it would be like that, but I just thought I was amazing and could get all those scholarships.

My eyes were once filled with stars, but reality has blinded me. I need to find a place between these two extremes.

Meanwhile, my life is getting back to the way I want it to be, sort of. I have had the craziest weekend ever. I was stupefied by the stellar talent of drill and dance at their districts competition. Then I rushed home to do homework (after eating an amazing organic taco for lunch at whole foods with a awesome view of downtown Bellevue with the quintessential "Iowa" partly cloudy skies). I actually got a lot finished. I headed to Tolo. At first it was a little uncomfortable, awkward, and in fact for the first few hours really stressful and annoying. But once everyone quieted down, the mood placated and I felt more free, and had fun, albeit a little late at 2 in the morning, 7 hours after the start of my festivities. For the first time in so long I had such pure free, fun. What a boring word for such a stupendous emotion. I woke up after two hours and ran up Queen Anne and back down for the St. Patty's Day Dash. It was painful, challenging, but surprisingly energizing. I felt so ALIVE after running those 5 kilometers. Seattle was so beautiful, and the views of Mt. Baker, Mt. Rainier, the Cascades, the Olympics and the Space Needle all capped in white, was just so magical. I cried. I freed my thoughts. I hope I rebuilt a tattered friendship.

I guess all it is in life is finding a way to be free. The stresses won't go away, but they hold me back so much. If I can just make a few changes to calm down every day, make my life a little simpler, I think I will appreciate life as a whole more often like this weekend. My challenge is to really just have a great time with life even when it sucks.

Friendship and sleep are the foundations!

Now it's time to discover the rest of life.

"Starry Eyed" - Ellie Goulding