No New Day

Unhappiness plagues me. I am so frustrated. What is it that singes me with such bitterness? I was asked to tolo today. I should be thrilled. But the stresses of life, the exhaustion of sleeplessness, and this upwelling of misery just seem to overwhelm all happiness. I hate being unhappy. I even found out today that I am in the top twenty in class rank, but I still am imbued with unhappiness.

Basically I just don't understand why I had a good day, and I am still unhappy. It's not that I am sad, it's that I am not happy. I don't get it.

I am mostly upset that I haven't accomplished many of my major goals. I haven't changed my debilitating habits, like late nights, unhealthy eating, and laziness toward exercise. I haven't cleaned my room in weeks, I haven't studied well in days, I haven't focused on anything worthwhile in ages. I haven't gotten scholarship applications done. I haven't looked for any jobs. I haven't served my community. I haven't learned my martial arts forms. Why is my life of to-do lists never doable? Why do I aim so high? Am I just incapable? Am I just weak? Have I not prayed enough? Have I not been human enough?

Or maybe I am just going through that period in time that most people go through. The struggles that we all face once in a while. Too bad it's right now when I am concluding my senior year. I feel like there is so much ahead of me in these next few months, but if I don't change, I will regret so much.

"Don't Give Up" - The Midway State ft. Lady Gaga