Where would I wish to wake up tomorrow?

My life is such a mess, and I feel so messed up because I am so behind on everything. I have spent so much time whining and worrying that I haven't gotten my life together. I am behind on everything. I've had that UW app opened since summer, and now it is close to the deadline. I have so much homework that I could have worked on today, but instead I slept so much and got distracted with tv. My grades are faltering, my auction is not going as planned, my college plans are falling apart, my friendships are fraying, my family is stressful, and my self-esteem is bleak. I feel like my dreams are falling like hard brick on to my toes.

I feel like I have gone downhill, doing so much that I have actually managed to do less. And I don't know how to get back on the treadmill of life, being the productive, motivated person I once was. I feel so hopeless, and I don't want people to know, but I sort of let it out through my constant complaining and depressive mood swings. I just want to be a more carefree person who can actually get focused when I need to be. I just want that positive upswing in my life. I don't need help, and I don't need people to do things for me. I don't need good in my life; I just want some way of becoming more positive, hopeful, and motivated.

Music is a temporary relief, but then it becomes an addictive distraction. Same with sporcle, facebook, and my atlases (yes, I'm weird). Hanging with friends helps my self-esteem, but then my unproductivity makes me feel lazy and miserable. I just need to stop looking at things so emotionally and negatively, but how do I stop having all the emotions!!!!!!!??????


Why are some people so capable of halting and shutting off their emotions? Why can't I? Why can't I stop letting my emotions take over me? Why can't I focus and accomplish my dreams like everyone else? Why can't I be... perfect. wow, sudden realization.

I guess I just need to accept it, that I'm not going to be able to handle everything, and that I don't need to be perfect. And instead of freaking out and letting all the worries build like a giant avalanche, I just need to remember that it's okay to fall a bit, but then to rediscover that purpose I have established for myself. If only I could remember my dreams better!

Fifty People, One Question - Brooklyn, NY



Some perspective, and some hope.