Breathe and Take That Step

The University of Washington. A world-renowned university in the heart of the Pacific Northwest. Urban, sophisticated, rigorous, and cosmopolitan. Down-to-earth, huge, diverse. Academically marvelous, gorgeous campus, and opportunities copious.

No, it's no Berkeley. Sadly there is no Campanile. Too bad the dorms don't look so modern. The history is not as well-known. The city is less liberal. So miserable, there is cloudy weather the entire term. But despite the defects, these horrible flaws of the UW, it seems like they are so external and irrelevant to my whole encompassing experience of college.

I've had so many fear of UW.

UW Doesn't Have My Major
oops, it turns out that in fact, UW has a notable enviro. sci. major; I just failed to really look into it. In fact it is probably the best program I can afford.

UW Will Be Like High School 2.0
The truth is that, yes, I will see many students from my life the past four years. But as I look at the facebook group of those students, they are the young adults I would love to spend another four years with. People who care about learning, expanding their horizons, and keeping an open mind. People who I can lean back on and trust. People who will make it through those tough finals times and people who will also love me for whoever I turn out to be. Yet I also will meet so many new faces and stories. I always do. I am pretty outgoing I guess. UW has thousands of potential new friendships and opportunities to learn. In fact, Oxy looks more like high school 2.0 with its tiny student body. It's just too perfect to be true.

UW Is a School for Drunk Frat Kids
I think I was a bit too prejudiced against UW. Yes, there is a Greek Life. Yes, there is a party-school atmosphere. Yes, the school is obsessed with sports. But it is so much more than that. And I guess I sort of like that feeling of being absorbed in the atmosphere of school spirit. I just won't need to have as heavy involvement as right now. And every school, whether it is Oxy, Berkeley, or UW has lots of drunk kids. I guess it's inevitable in a progressive school.

Big Classes, Rejection from Honors, My Life Is Doomed
This is slightly valid. I am still afraid of the whole idea of huge classes and angry for my rejection from Honors. But I will just stay motivated to find ways to enjoy what opportunities exist for me and what classes I can take that will prevent me from drowning. It can't be that bad. I am going to make myself heard. I will push and shove to be the top fish. And Honors will accept me next year. I am determined and motivated!

Dissatisfaction
Part of me will always regret going to UW. However the difference is that my happiness at Berkeley for 4 years will lead to 20 or more years of painful regret. I am bound to make many stupid choices in the years ahead of me, especially financially. I am just not gifted with money. But no worries. I won't wake up every morning super happy at UW. But I will need to find a way to enjoy it. It is a big city. It is a fantastic school. I will make UW my Berkeley here in the Evergreen State. Who says big protests and intelligent students are reserved for California? The prestige is obviously better than Occidental, a virtual unknown. And while it is not Berkeley, I just get this feeling that I will be disappointed by Berkeley because I only expect it to be so magical. When I look at the classes, and I read more about Cal, the more I realize that it is really not worth the money and years of financial worry.

Too Close to Home
I think I'll grow up at UW just as well as any where else. Maybe even better. I won't be really homesick because I'll have family so close. But I can also get used to this whole idea of living and being an individual adult. There is so much in life to deal with and it's not time for me to start taking too many steps outside my comfort zone. I worry I'll get bored of it or too attached to home after a while, but I will just push myself to study abroad, something I can only afford at UW.

The truth is that UW is worth the value I spend. I will not be as mesmerized as Berkeley or Oxy. But I cannot afford the extra thousands of dollars to fund a glorious education. It really is about what you do with your education, not where you go. This is such a struggle for someone like me who has so much faith in rankings and prestigious titles. But I have to let go for the sake of my sanity and future. I have so much more potential at UW compared to everywhere else.

It's not what I expected. It's not my dream. But it's college. It will be wonderful. I will learn. I will grow.

Berkeley,
Thank you for motivating me for so many years. Although I let go of you now, I will be back. I will be in California one day, I'm not getting that comfortable here in Washington. You inspire me and captivate me, but you also remind me of the Sirens in the Odyssey and I am not that hormonal to crash my ship into the rocky shores that you hail.

Occidental,
You made me believe I could dream and have a different type of education. I will have the same opportunities, maybe more elsewhere, without spending 60k. I love you too, but I will learn just as well at UW without the burden of cost. You're not totally out of the picture, but I may just have to say goodbye as well.

My life has been controlled by college for so many years. This blind ambition. God is sending me a message that all this ambition destroys me. It's good to haves some desire, but I have become so obsessed. UW is my chance to start anew, be the person I really want to be, and live my life to the fullest extent.

So there we have it. I may not be leaving so far away after all... what a thought.

"Break Myself" - Something Corporate