This evening I enjoyed a Pesach seder with my mumbo-jumbo family and a dish of yogurt and mochi at Yogurtland. I realized how lovely friendship and family really is. I would hate more than anything to be ALONE. Loneliness is quite the dreadful thought. Every moment with friends, other people, and loved ones, builds our own characters, teaches us about the world, and develops a greater wisdom. Friends are giant windows to other valleys, islands, and planets, but if we blind friendships with shades of ignorance and prejudice we miss out on so much of the spectacular view.
Often I think I took a friend's comment too seriously when I was eight. I desperately did not want to be "predictable." Yet predictability is not all that bad. It prepares friends and builds trust. At times I think I am so unpredictable that I lose out.
My friends are everything. I hope I am a good friend. It's a two-way street of laughter, committment, struggle. No matter what batters, tosses and withers a friendship, a real friendship is a yarn that stays even to that bitter last thread.
And still I feel lonely. Friends are great, but I want more than friendship. I want love. I just don't know what it is. I don't think I have ever really fallen in love with anyone. I don't think I've ever had a real crush. I want a crush so badly. Nobody seems to spark my heart to the point in which I really will jump leaps and bounds for their attention and love. One day I want to take my love here to Hawai'i and introduce them to the magic of this paradise. But alas, will I ever find the love to share Lanikai's sunrise with?
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