I woke up this morning, exhausted. It felt like I had a hangover from the previous night's rejection by Stanford. Last night I was caught up in the worries over my future. It is difficult to make this college choice for four years, but I guess antagonizing over my future won't really help.
My aunt had a good quote while we ate lunch at Ward Center, "if you worry now, you'll only worry double the amount since you'll worry now and later." I do worry way too much. I allow myself to worry and fear this big world to the point of paralysis.
The most importnat hting to do is live. Live for the moment. Live for the soft sand and azure waters that wrap you like a fluid blanket. LIve for the sweet decadence of that chilly flavorful shaved ice. LIve for the delicate and joyous smile of a toddler after he wins a prize or rides an escalator.
It's when we live, really live out each moment that we appreciate what we have. We don't have to be great or wealthy. We live because life is all we have. We might as well love what we do in life because that is all we can do.
My grandpa the physics prof. was helping me today with a research project. I realized firstly how much I do not understand physics, but I also saw how important his intense textbooks and crazy ideas are. Those weird passions build his identity, his vitality. I know I want to help the environment, but I don't know what my true passion is. I live so passively and it won't get me anywhere I want to be. Only problem is I don't know where to go.
And looking back at Stanford, I know that it just isn't my time or place. I don't know what I would do there. I don't have my passion yet. It would be a waste of all that crazy cash. I need ot reinvigorate my passion. Warm weather, family, music, quotes, and vistas will only do so much. I am the ultimate decider of my fate other than good ole' God.
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