Yet again, I am here, late at night typing this blog entry. Am I fighting who I am, my natural working patterns or am I just lazy? I draw a single connection to my inefficiencies each week. If I sleep on the weekend well I am able to enjoy a week of productivity, but if I mess it up one day, I completely fall apart. I just struggle to keep myself in focus when I lack sleep. I hate this consistent theme, but sleep is truly controlling my life. I have not had a good sleep for weeks and this has prevented me from achieving what I am truly possible of doing. Since I don't resort to caffeinated beverages to provide me energy I need to restore my sleeping habits that I gained in my first quarter and establish a stronger work ethic.
Time can be managed but I need to be aware. My lack of sleep is like a fog on my windshield preventing me from seeing what is directly in front of me. For example today I could not remember what time I scheduled an advising appointment about three minutes after scheduling it. I forgot that I had ordered a book and instead promptly borrowed it from the library.
It is okay in life to make mistakes, but I feel like I haven't had any achievements in a long time. I want to do something with my life. My life needs meaning! I don't do anything right now that I enjoy and that is torturing me. It makes me overextend my time with friends in the evenings until I return so late from hanging out that I cannot accomplish any of my homework.
Things might not really change this quarter since I have watched my life fall apart and I am currently trying to save it from truly collapsing, but next quarter I am going to change things.
One thing I will try to do for the rest of this quarter is dream. I have no interesting dreams today because I am exhausted; my brain has no ideas generating. But hopefully tomorrow despite not completing any of my homework and having no time to do it tomorrow I will be refreshed enough to be a little more productive and finally have some fascinating thoughts.
Good night.
"Someone Like You" - Adele
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