Dream: Love

alone.

Today was not fantastic, but it wasn't horrible. I was jolted somewhat by the return to class. If anything I feel fine, but largely uninspired. My classes are mediocre at best, and life currently is dull. I have no romance, not any exciting adventures to discuss, but life happened. I ate lunch with good friends at least and hung out with a friend who's commuting now. I looked at my photographs from my vacation, looked up new music, and followed the latest news about the upcoming Canadian election. I didn't accomplish much today and that puts me in the pits, especially as I am just beginning class. I hate to feel in a lull just as class is beginning. I will try to complete one reading tonight so I don't fall behind already in the first day, but I really need to rest and restore my passion for life.

Today I speak of love. There is wide emptiness in this arena of my life at the moment. Loneliness is a sinking feeling in my heart and just discussing this topic causes my eyes to water. I watch all around me the glory of love, its beautiful warmth binding souls together. While I was in San Francisco I thought every so often about a romantic relationship. I've never had a true romance in my life and I am approaching the ripe age of 19. I know it seems young and I truly have much time left for me to experience so much, but here at university, surrounded by so many folks in couples, so much love abound, I feel so alone.

I dream of love that means something. I dream of love that comes out of nowhere and walks into the room. I dream of love that does not catch my first glance, love that is unintentional, and most definitely not at first sight. I dream of love that catches me off guard. I dream of love that pulls me outside my comfort zone. I dream of love that forces me to let go of the worst of me and inspires the best of me. I dream of going places far and near with my love. I dream of sharing my passions with my love. I dream of love that is unexpected, outside of my plans of life. I dream of love in many forms, but most of all as impossible as it may be, I dream of a love that will last as a couple for infinite time. I am willing to live through the challenges, the heartbreak, the mistakes, the chaos, but I want love so badly. There are times when I see someone who my heart drops for, but fear prevents me from ever seeking the love that I notice. Loneliness seems to pervade, but I am going to keep dreaming for love. I remain too afraid to go after my love because of this horrible world and its constraints. I fear what others will think of me. I fear that all my other dreams will fall apart because of love. I hold back the euphoria of love for the mediocrity that I accept daily for fear of falling into an abyss of further loneliness, but I feel like holding back this dam of joy for so long is pulling me unintentionally into my lonely abyss.

In the mean time I will dream. I will believe. And I will listen to spectacular music.

"Collect Call" - Metric