Dream: Gusto

Today I studied like no other, in fact I've been studying rather determinedly for the past week and I still feel overwhelmed by my chemistry. I don't understand a thing and I keep trying, and the more I try the more I feel like I don't understand anything. Hopefully tomorrow things will become more clear after a good night's rest. Yet, right now I feel miserably overwhelmed. Nothing is making sense in chemistry and it sucks. I thought I understood it, but I don't and I look at all the work and hours I need for me to be fully competent in the subject. I have never felt so insufficient and dumb. I guess I'm not a chemistry major, but I really want to understand the subject, and it's not like I am totally horrible at it. Rather I am just doing worse than expecting and struggling more than I usually do.

This brings me to my dream today. I dream of having gusto. I dream of having strength. I dream that I will actually work out at a typical pace every day. I dream that I will be able to handle situation with finesse and accept my failures. I dream of going for my dreams. I dream of struggles that I overcome rather than surrendering. I dream of putting forth my full effort to accomplish my goals. I dream of doing things I never thought possible like changing the world, ending carbon emissions, going to Berkeley, finding true love, understanding subjects like chemistry, writing a novel, learning a language, playing a sport. I have so many things I want to do and I believe in my potential, but it is a long road. But I know that I need the fervor, zeal, and gusto of an elephant to turn all these wonderful ideas into reality. The most amazing people in the world know how to concentrate themselves and make the most out of life. They are aware of themselves and don't have to be crazy to make their dreams possible (although we all have to be a little crazy to a degree!) I believe that I have so much potential, but I am going to most definitely turn things around in the upcoming quarter. I am going to make my dreams come true. I am going to apply for jobs, do a stellar job in my classes and make my life dreams become the reality I have always sought.

Life is happening. Life is short, but it is going to be the life I want to live.

"Wonderwall" - Oasis