Frustration was the overriding premise of today's mood. I woke up with little sleep from this weekend and even less sleep from the immediate night before. Exhaustion imbued me from my head to my toes. My concentration was obliterated. Upon reaching my oral interview in Japanese I collapsed into mush. Misery and doom subsequently followed my lackluster performance. As I sulked in front of my computer screen I wandered the internet, discovering a fascinating set of descriptions of governments using cows. Besides this discovery my afternoon continued to be abysmal. Sleeplessness presaged my awfully muddled state in chemistry lecture. The logarithms and chemistry notations all began to blur into a slurry of H's, p's, and K's. I kept flipping between notetaking, web surfing, and merely staring into empty space.
Afterwards I was granted a reprive from my series of misfortunes when I finally had an advising appointment with a career counselor. These are the resources that make a university strong, key components like advising link the university beyond the bubble of academia that it can easily settle within. I chose to attend a large research university like UW because I knew that these resources were incredible. Thankfully the resources have sufficed my expectations. The adviser helped me discover some useful websites to find internships and jobs, as well as alumni or people who can offer me more specific advice on determining my career goals. The most important lesson I learned was that I really need to do some introspective reflection if I want to figure out what I want to do with my life. As the meeting concluded he reminded me of one thing, to reach out to others if you feel like you are in a slump. It seems like everyone could notice my stress today, and I most definitely want to change this anxious part of me.
The anxiety has subsided to its typical level, but I can tell it is crippling me just as it has done so in the past. The oral interview was hopefully the nadir of my anxiety's effects, but I fear that I may not be applying my lessons to the reality I face. For example, I am still awake at this horrendously late hour having not completed many of my simple homework or other goals. I have allowed hours of meaningful time sleeping, working, discovering, resting, enjoying life by poorly managing my time. I can see the anxiety in the corner of my mouth where a patch of dry skin becomes inflamed by my virtually involuntary habit of picking at the corner of my mouth when I am stressed. I can feel the exhaustion as I desperately search for the words in my brain, racking the aisles for creative diction to apply to my writing.
Collapse seems to be brutally relevant right now as I read a book about environmental sociological collapses and observe myself falling apart. I must not become the main character of Things Fall Apart. I am Max. I have potential. I can unlock my amazingness with the keys that I have gathered. All I have to do is grab the key and place it in the lock. Sometimes it doesn't work properly, or I accidentally grab the wrong key, but I need to be persistent in my self-improvement if I ever hope to see my dreams come true.
Afterwards I was granted a reprive from my series of misfortunes when I finally had an advising appointment with a career counselor. These are the resources that make a university strong, key components like advising link the university beyond the bubble of academia that it can easily settle within. I chose to attend a large research university like UW because I knew that these resources were incredible. Thankfully the resources have sufficed my expectations. The adviser helped me discover some useful websites to find internships and jobs, as well as alumni or people who can offer me more specific advice on determining my career goals. The most important lesson I learned was that I really need to do some introspective reflection if I want to figure out what I want to do with my life. As the meeting concluded he reminded me of one thing, to reach out to others if you feel like you are in a slump. It seems like everyone could notice my stress today, and I most definitely want to change this anxious part of me.
The anxiety has subsided to its typical level, but I can tell it is crippling me just as it has done so in the past. The oral interview was hopefully the nadir of my anxiety's effects, but I fear that I may not be applying my lessons to the reality I face. For example, I am still awake at this horrendously late hour having not completed many of my simple homework or other goals. I have allowed hours of meaningful time sleeping, working, discovering, resting, enjoying life by poorly managing my time. I can see the anxiety in the corner of my mouth where a patch of dry skin becomes inflamed by my virtually involuntary habit of picking at the corner of my mouth when I am stressed. I can feel the exhaustion as I desperately search for the words in my brain, racking the aisles for creative diction to apply to my writing.
Collapse seems to be brutally relevant right now as I read a book about environmental sociological collapses and observe myself falling apart. I must not become the main character of Things Fall Apart. I am Max. I have potential. I can unlock my amazingness with the keys that I have gathered. All I have to do is grab the key and place it in the lock. Sometimes it doesn't work properly, or I accidentally grab the wrong key, but I need to be persistent in my self-improvement if I ever hope to see my dreams come true.
"Now or Never" - Jodie Connor
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