Dream: Passion

I have had an exquisitely restful break in both cold and rainy San Francisco and Seattle. I have seen smiles of babies and homeless men. I have witnessed driving rainstorms followed by brilliant golden sunshine enlightening sharp cliffs against the ocean. I have felt immense loneliness and heartfelt belonging. I have been through both high stress situations and beautifully comfortable moments. Life is full of amazement, but it is easy to miss it all.

I know that part of passion is joy. Passion is that feeling that no matter the circumstance one can find happiness in a particular interest. For the longest time I have feared having passion. I avoid doing things that involve my full earnestness. For example with most classes, jobs, or other experiences I have encountered, I always manage to do my best to skirt by, rather than delve into what I do. I fear the consequences of diving into any project. If I put too much of myself into it I fear the judgment I will receive when I inevitably make some mistakes. Therefore today I have few passions. I have come to the realization upon this break that whatever I am passionate about doesn't also have to be something I am the best or perfect at. Perfectionism and passion don't have to be companions.

I dream of discovering a passion. I dream of finding contentment in my passion as I grow old. I dream of finding pleasure and joy in a passion despite the judgments of other people towards that passion. I dream of finding a passion that will only earn me respect because people will realize how much passion I put forth towards it, not because I receive validation and praise for my work. I dream of passion that sustains itself. I dream of failing in my passions, falling dramatically out of my comfort zone, but in the end returning to what I love because I have a true passion for it. I dream of passion.

"Arms" - Christina Perri