Appeasers

Appeasement is the reason my relatives died in the Holocaust. Compromise is the reason that slavery and the subsequent discrimination against African-Americans and other minorities perpetuated for so long. People need to take a stance. I'm tired of waiting for equal rights for all people regardless of sexuality. I'm tired of people trying to make everyone else happy.

Today has been wacky. Or rather this afternoon. Dealing with Homecoming is far worse than I expected. So many curveballs have been thrown at me. And I'm not in control of anything. The worst thing is that I feel completely subordinate. I feel like I'm being controlled. There is one thing I cannot stand in the world and that is losing my free will. I hate the idea of destiny I guess. I hate the idea of strict systems. I hate the idea of a single test score affecting the college you get into. I hate how small details can have such a damaging impact on a person's life.

I wish people would stop trying to appease. I try so hard to make a stance, but I knew I would be hated for it eventually. And now I'm dealing with the consequences of my opinionated life. I hate myself sometimes. I feel so trapped. I have to clean up the messes of my friend asking one girl to homecoming instead of another. I have to make late-night decisions that are far too stressful for me. I can't afford 55 for a limo ride. I can't afford a dinner at a golf club. I have always felt poor compared to my fellow classmates, but it never really affected me because I've always been really frugal. But now I have to deal with all this. I'm expected to spend all this money as if I'm rolling in dough. And then my friends can't follow deadlines for a project. I've been up so late waiting for them. But I know I can't do it without them.

I'm just so enthralled in emotion right now. Nothing seems to be going as it was planned. I feel like I'm going insane. I'm so exhausted. I'm so tired. I want to cry. I want to laugh. But i'm stuck in this abyss of stress. I can't escape. I try to grab onto something to get out, but all I can do is scream and blame others for the problems.

I feel like a debbie downer. I feel like I'm trying to drag everyone else down with me. But I also feel like nobody understands how much stress I am feeling right now. There are just too many emotions right now.





I guess all I want is a hug.






no music today. it's just not appropriate.