Clear the Mind

Today was miserable. A dearth of hugs. Behind on homework. Unfocused. Teachers lecturing me on my stress level and a degradation of my work quality. Friends questioning my stress level. ASB stress. College stress. Homework stress. Peer stress. Internal stress. I don't have to ramble about all of the stress, but I wish I could talk to someone about it.

I feel incredibly lonely. My best friends seem so unreachable. One seems hostile. Another is awkward. One is totally busy and overwhelmed. And I can't seem to find time for any friend, even the ones with open arms. I am exhausted. I just need someone to reach out to me right now. I guess I need to open myself up, but I am dying inside. I feel like I am rotting away. I feel I have been sent through a meat grinder and a microwave sucking away all my enthusiasm, joy, and happiness.

I will start tomorrow with my plan:

1) Acknowledge the stress
2) Vocalize the stress, write the stress, anything within less than a minute
3) Breathe
4) Think
5) Decide what action to take
6) Breathe
7) Clear the mind and set out all the priorities
8) Delegate
9) Breathe
10) Commit to one thing at a time
11) Then handle more, but slowly
12) Breathe
13) Consider stress level, can I do all that I am committed to?
14) If yes go on to add more stuff, if no, then get what's needed done
15) Breathe
16) Look back and meditate
17) Move forward.

"Such Great Heights" - The Postal Service



In the end, today was good. But I need to just be myself. I need to remove the gucky layers of stress that have covered the real me. And be inspired. And be happy. And find solace.