Journeys

Be real. Be yourself. Cherish these moments. Why do I so want to cherish the moments we have now? Why do I feel they are so precious? I guess I really need to stop worrying about trying so hard to make the moments so great.

Today I planned on going to the Olympic Sculpture Park with my friends. It became slightly larger than I expected and one of my friends brought her boyfriend with us who we didn't know. It sort of split our group in two. We arrived incredibly late, and I complained and stressed out about it the entire ride. When we finally arrived I felt more stressed out than I wanted to be because we had time limits that nobody seemed to be aware of. It's very difficult for me to relax if I don't have plenty of time to do things or if there is no plan to things. I know other people are fine with going with the flow, but the problem is if everyone does that then other problems happen, so I feel like I am left to plan and organize the nitty gritty details. I feel like I can't enjoy the time I spend with my friends because I am stuck in this position. I wish I didn't have this role of organizer all the time. It's stressful trying to appease to everyone and I forget to have a good time myself. I enjoyed my excursion to Seattle today, but I really wish it had been less stressful and more fun.

I need to learn to have more fun in less time. I need to learn to enjoy the journey rather than the destination. I guess I have to stop trying to satisfy everyone. I CAN'T BE PERFECT!

I really wish I was more like my friends. They worry so little about the stupid things I freak out over. Like sharing dishes. Or going into people's fridges. Or being late. I am such a perfectionist, but I don't know how to stop. When I am "perfect" I take no risks, and therefore I am limiting myself. I always thought I knew what perfection was, but now I know that it is such an impossibility that it shouldn't even exist as a concept. Perfect. What does that mean?

I remember reading a book in elementary school about the topic. It was something like "How to be perfect." I didn't really understand the book. It said that there were three steps to being perfect, something like not sleeping, doing nothing, and something else. I could not understand, and I thought it was rather stupid. I mean, it was obvious even when I was 9 that sleeplessness was not perfection. I have yearned for perfection for a long time. But perfection is not all that matters. If I only enjoy the destination, I will only be satisfied with life at one point. But if I can find joy in the journey, I can be so much happier.

Finding joy in the journey will not come naturally to me without stepping outside my comfort zone. I cannot be afraid. I cannot lose motivation. I am looking forward to this month. It will not be easy. But I will survive. No, I won't just survive, I will thrive. Each moment will be wonderful even if it doesn't seem that way at first. Party every day. Struggle every day. Live every day!

"Steppin Out" - Kaskade