I am who I am

"Don't Wait" - Dashboard Confessional



Sometimes I feel like my life is like this. I am overwhelmed by the craziness. And everything and everyone seems to move around me so quickly. I guess it is just as beautiful as it is overwhelming.

Today was weird. I was exhausted. I was tired. And I had to organize so much. But in the end I have time to think. I actually faced my stupid and irrational actions. I really realized how much I need sleep sometimes. Just to ensure my sanity. I do a lot of stupid things. But for once I shut my mouth. I still feel so insecure about some of my friendships. I don't want to be felt as superior to anybody. But I guess that's what communication is for.

One thing I realized today is that I spend too much time meandering with talk to some of my friends. The only problem with that is words are nice but they can only do so much. It's the actions that stand out far more often (at least in my world) than the many words that I am pelted with every day. I only feel quieter because speaking seems so less vital. I don't know what makes a real friendship, but I feel like I am slowly releasing my real self.

I am not happy. But that doesn't mean I am depressed. I just need to find myself some solace in accomplishment of my goals. I need to first of all write out my goals! I need to cleanse myself and reflect. There is not enough time in the day usually. But I will find time. I will work that much harder during my day to finish my homework and reduce my heavy workload. I need to be free from all the burdens. When I am free I am so different. But how can I be free if I am addicted to work? Priorities. The small joys. There are so many pieces of advice, but beading them all together is so difficult. I won't ever be perfect, so I guess I just have to accept my life as it is. It's difficult, I take everything so personally. But work, and leadership, and friends are helping me to understand that I can't take every small thing personally.

Who am I? I don't know. But I am who I am and I am sorry if you dislike that. But if you can accept me for who I am I will open my heart and let you enter.