Unlike Me

"Unlike Me" - Kate Havnevik



There are no guarantees in life
Not for the present,
Nor for the future.
All I know is
That I'm here;
Don't know for how long.
I love the way
You live so intensely
Enjoy every minute of life
With space to swing
Your arms around
Laughing loudly

Unlike me
Unlike me
Do you think I'm strange?
Unlike you
Unlike you
I am not pretending

There is no time,
There is no time,
There is no time,
Time doesn't really exist.

The past, the present,
And the future,
Are all side by side,
Hand in hand.
You move and change,
Yet you go nowhere:
Everything stays the same.
You stare at me,
And ask me questions,
Makes me nervous,
This room it keeps a constant tone
While I'm on a roller coaster

Unlike me
Unlike me
Do you think I'm strange
Unlike you
Unlike you
I am not pretending

There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn't really exist

There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn't really exist

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I feel this way often. I feel like time is so unimportant, yet it manages to control my life. I feel so separated from my friends, as if nobody understands me. I feel so exhausted. I feel like I lead a pointless life. I feel a pressure to enjoy this life. I feel a roller coaster of emotions. But I alwasy feel that unlike me, everyone else seems to handle it. Everyone else seems to manage the stresses. And even the stressed out people know how to have fun.

I just need someone. I just need some friends. I just need to know that things will be okay.

Today was yucky. After all the euphoria of homecoming I am so tired and out of focus. I came to school with barely four hours of sleep and an incredible load of stress. I finished the bulk of the doldrums and went to lunch, excited to finally eat out with my friends - until I found out that they left early from third period (the class I tried to get into earlier this year). It shouldn't cause me such grief, but I ended up spending lunch in the melancholy library, unhappily drowning in the misery of study; I didn't even have much homework to make up.

But that's life, I guess. My friends try to console me. Maybe I demand too much. But I spend so much time alone now. I never feel included anymore. I tried so long to reach out to my friends, but now I need them to reach out to me. I feel like all the effort I put into my friendships has been unrequited. I just want a hug. Or a hello. And if possible for someone to reach out to me. But in my desperation I am now talking to the ASB teacher at lunch. I feel like I have lost all my friends. I feel like nobody cares. But I need my friends to survive. And I don't have time right now to find new ones. I don't have the energy to go out searching for them half my lunch in the cold only to find out they aren't at school at all.







Where can I go if I am surrounded by cold shoulders?