Hypocrite

I tell my friend advice, frankly, quite good advice. But I can't even follow through with my own advice. I am near collapse. I need to take a break. Thank god for the PSAT tomorrow, but I don't have a day off mid-week every week. How can I handle all of this? I don't need to go through the list again. It's just a load of bricks. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to set my priorities straight.

Sometimes I just feel like I have failed. I have so many expectations. I want to live beyond the simple completion of tasks, but I cannot even get the robotic mundanities finished. I feel so miserable. I just want to enjoy my senior year but I feel trapped in a psychotic whirlpool of heavylifting. I really want to have fun when I can, and for me the most fun thing to do is hang out with my friends. But my friends are always busy. Or always doing things amongst themselves. I am glad for the moments I do get with my friends, but I feel like everything is so serious these days.

The biggest problem is myself. I am always worried about other people, and I try to close my own emotions off from others. But I know that I need to be open if I want to feel less miserable. If I keep holding all the stress in, I will explode. If anything, I spend plenty of time with my friends, but its always stressful, since I am always worried by how little time we have left.

Why can't I be normal? Why can't I enjoy the fleeting and spontaneous moment? Why is everything in my life so drab and mechanical? I just want to have fun. I just want to relax. But I don't think I know how to...

help