Inspired to Live

I am inspired to live. I got a B+ on my Stats test. I don't really like it, but it's better than other grades I could have received, so I am satisfied.
Today I realized how vital sleep and school is. I have been living these past through months barely making it through class half-sleeping so I could finish the homework more awake that night. Except I was only half-doing everything. I was only half-learning. I was only half-trying. If you only half-learn that is still an F. I must be smart if I managed to have four As while barely trying.
It is really embarrassing. I whine about my grades and class rank, but maybe the people who take the easy classes and do well are deserving. They did try hard to get those As, and they were just better than me at balancing life so that they could party, study, and sleep.
All I do is study, but I have been so ineffective and dispassionate that I have not learned.

So even though Massachusetts went insane yesterday and voted for a Republican, and even though I have a B- in Stats, and even though I have not learned as much as I could have this year, and even though I have been lazy and weak, I have hope. I have hope that I can do better, without even stressing.

I realize that effort does not equal worry and stress. In fact it might just be an inverse relationship.

Haiti, friends, the failure of Massachusetts, and Stats have saved me. Like Obama, it is my turn to wake up and deal with the problems instead of prancing along trying to civilly fix them. I have had the resources and luck on my side. Now is time for the hard work and the ripe benefits in the end. Yes We Can. Yes We Will.

"Blinding" - Florence + the Machine



I LOVE this song. It kindles my fire.

"No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken"

No more dead dreaming. The spell is broken.